Steve Zico Has Been Drinking

Being (like) Roman Abramovich ? Imagine if you were, I don’t mean having the political connections, running huge companies or employing armies of bodyguards and security people. No, I mean waking up one fine morning and realising that you have billions tucked away, plus this fortune is growing (just like Roman’s) at the rate of ¬£8.5m per day. No demands whatsoever on either your bank balance or your time. What would you do with it all ? Oh, I nearly forgot to mentionyou are also a Queen’s Park Rangers supporter. (Have you started smiling yet ?)

There is, of course, the obvious: buy, buy, buy, spend, spend, spend. A rollercoaster ride that would see us compete with and then replace, Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenaland become the undisputed best team in Europe, if not the World ! Tempting isn’t it ?

Or would you address the things that really annoy you ? The things that have been gnawing away deep inside you for Season upon Season ? I know I would.

I know it makes perfect sense for the Club to ‘earn’ as much money as possible from sponsors but not in my book it doesn’t. The Company that is worthy enough to have their name/logo plastered across a Queen’s Park Rangers shirt does not exist. Nor will one ever exist. Anything other than the QPR crest on the front of the shirt is an act of desecration and wilful vandalism. On the backs of the shirt would be the number only, no player names. If the players don’t know who they are then they are not fit to wear the shirt in the first place,
Name of Stands:

Ellerslie Road

South Africa Road

The Loft

The School End

No dispute, that’s what they are and that’s what they stay
Advertising Within The Stadium:

No, never, ever, ever, ever, EVER
Squad Numbers:

No, they play wearing numbers 1-11, with 12, 13 and 14 as subs
Corporate Boxes:

Over my dead body. If it’s the theatre you’re after, try the West End
Players Contracts:

All players would be on the same contract with no win bonuses. However, the players would be able to increase their earnings by being paid by the minute and only when selected for first team duty. Let’s say that the whole squad is on ¬£800 each per week. For each minute of the ninety they spend on the pitch during a first team game, they would be paid a further ¬£5 per minute. That’s ¬£450 per game on top of the ¬£800 per week. That should concentrate a few minds during the week’s training. All players not selected for first team duties, would make themselves available on match days for other duties, like working on the turnstiles, in the bars, stewarding and suchlike.

Ticket Prices:

Aged under 12

A free Season ticket as long as accompanied by an adult Season ticket holder

Aged 12-18

£100 per Season ticket

Aged 60 and over

A free Season ticket for supporters who are already on the database

Unemployed or Unwaged

£5 per ticket

Everybody else would be £250 per Season ticket in all parts of the Ground, except for the School End.

Away supporters would be charged between £175-£200 per person, per ticket and per game. The roof on the School End would be removed. An artificial rain machine would be located behind the away fans and would provide a steady downpour throughout the game.

I have seen some great players at Loftus Road during the years including, Best, Law and Charlton, yet I have always had the same feeling when I see them run onto our pitchit shouldn’t be allowed. If you don’t wear the hoops, you don’t set foot on the pitch, as simple as that. Then of course we would have to forfeit the game and lose three pointshmmm, I suppose this is one thing I would have to continue suffering. However, we can let the opposition know that they are not exactly welcome.

Only cold water would be plumbed into the away dressing room which would only then work for 5 minutes in any 24 hour period. All QPR employees will totally ignore any visiting player/Manager/employee, without exception. No food or refreshment would be provided for any visiting team employee. Lights and heating would be switched off in the away dressing room exactly 5 minutes after the final whistle. Then slowly, we would begin to turn Loftus Road into the Fortress it once was.

You may wonder why Chelsea haven’t taken these logical steps, after all, they have the wherewithal to do so. Being (like) Roman Abramovich ? No, I don’t think it’s about that. Some things are so precious, they transcend being about money. It’s all about one small wordLove
Steve Zico
(This article first appeared in issue number 202 of, ‘A Kick Up The R’s’)

2 thoughts on “Steve Zico Has Been Drinking

  1. Whatever happened to the bloke in the Loft who wore the white butrchers coat and bellowed ‘roasted peanuts’????

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