Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Aren't traffic lights annoying? Those little green men really make me cross!

I've had a boundary dispute with my neighbour; he's taken offence.....

Thought For The Day: What's the collective noun for a group of hermits??

[steveqpr881]

I told a friend I was making a model of Mount Everest.
He said, "To scale?" I said, "No - just to look at."

My local dog food company has gone bust - they've called in the retrievers.

[steveqpr881]

Customer in restaurant: Waiter, this soup is cold.
Waiter: It's gazpacho, sir.
Customer: Gazpacho, this soup is cold.....

Interesting fact:
Port Vale is the only English football team NOT named after a place! there is no 'Port Vale' on the map.

QPR Rhyming Slang: Richard Kone - Sylvester Stallone.

[steveqpr881]

I put all my herbs in alphabetical order.....to be honest, I don't know where I find the thyme.
My pencil kept breaking every time I sharpened it,so I threw it away - it was pointless.

[steveqpr881]

I bought an oil painting, but the cat scratched it!
It's a clawed Monet.....

[steveqpr881]

My house is being vandalised!
Yesterday, someone dumped 50 prawn cocktails on the drive -and that's just for starters!

Today's Interesting Fact:
Today is Star Trek Day! The classic show was first aired on American TV on this day in 1966.
Live long & Prosper!!

[steveqpr881]

My phone accidentally took a picture of my shoe.....I got some good footage

Just been made redundant from my job at the laundry - I've been hung out to dry!

[steveqpr881]

I missed an interesting tv programme about tomato sauce....never mind, I'll see it on ketchup

The Burning Question: Can kestrels fly at night?
Yes, all kestrels manoeuvure in the dark - geddit?? (80s pop reference there, somebody please explain it to kerrins)

[steveqpr881]

I went to a chippie last night to get a bag of chips.
The woman serving said, "Do you want anything on it?"
I asked, "Is it any extra?" She said no, so I said,
"In that case I'll have a large cod & some mushy peas."

Top Tip:
If you're choking on an ice cube, just pour boiling water down your throat - that'll save your life.

Interesting Fact:
Benito Mussolini's great-grandson Romano Mussolini, is a professional footballer for Italian club Cremona.
Naturally enough, he plays on the right wing!

[steveqpr881]

I've got the memory of an elephant....I remember seeing one in a zoo, once.

Interesting Fact:
Darth Vader's lightsaber was recently sold at auction for £2.7MILLION!!!