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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2022 10:33 am
by steveqpr881
Had to give my girlfriend the elbow....she works in a bakery, she's too kneady.
Burglars stole my limbo pole.....how low can they go??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2022 12:57 pm
by steveqpr881
Just heard, my favourite Italian chef has died.
He's pasta way.
I struggle with Roman numerals until I get to 159 - then it just CLIX. 
Interesting Fact: The Pound Stirling is the oldest currency in use today
(& I don't just mean the white fivers in JD's wallet)
Kevin Gallen - Dave Allen.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2022 1:17 pm
by steveqpr881
Met a Dalek - he said he was from Devon -
I asked which part - he said, "Exeter, mate Exeter, mate." 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2022 12:13 pm
by steveqpr881
If there's one thing I hate more than my agoraphobia, it's going out. 
Just heard on the radio, Pink Floyd have released a single to raise funds for Ukraine:
HAVEN'T THEY SUFFERED ENOUGH ALREADY??? 
It probably goes, "Hey, Putin - leave those kids alone."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2022 12:31 pm
by steveqpr881
Now you know me, I'm not one to boast......but yesterday, I had the heating on!
And that reminds me of a comedy classic;this joke won the Eurovision Joke Contest back in 1968:
Q: What did the gas meter say to the shilling?* (*- younger readers:I'm sure kerrins will be happy to explain what a shilling was )
A:Glad you dropped in!
It's the Grand National today, and here's Steve's Top Tip:
Put your money on Riderless Horse, it's first across the line every year.
Chris Day - Johnnie Ray
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:47 pm
by steveqpr881
I'm reading a new book, "Improve Your memory," by, er....whatisname..... 
Thought For The Day:
If I make someone breakfast in bed, a word of thanks wouldn't go amiss;
not "How did you get in my house?"
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2022 12:26 pm
by steveqpr881
A McVitie's lorry caused chaos today, after its load om the M25.
A police spokesman said, "Crumbs! It took a moment to digest, but officers didn't crumble." 
My girlfriend said she's leaving me in the morning, because of my infatuation with Wham lyrics.
I said, "Wake me up before you go,go." 
Just got a job as a window cleaner.
I'm only an apprentice, but at least I've got my foot on the ladder.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2022 1:00 pm
by steveqpr881
Atomic power....it's really going to mushroom
Ed Sheeran was asked how he felt, after he won his plagiarism court case;
he said, "I feel good" - and James Brown sued him!
Interesting Fact: Lobsters wee from their face.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2022 1:28 pm
by steveqpr881
Where Rishi Sunak's wife pays her tax is neither here nor there
Ooh, satire - I should write for Private Eye.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2022 10:25 am
by steveqpr881
Woke up this morning & I couldn't remember what time the sun rose.....
then it dawned on me. 
Speaking of the sun; I once asked my Dad if he knew what a total eclipse was;
he said, "No, son." 