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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2022 1:12 pm
by steveqpr881
Message for Dubliner: there's a message for you, on The Boot Room. 
I just had a sneaky peek, and it's a Top Tip from Steve Russell: make your waterbed bouncier, fill it with spring water. 
Just walked past a charity bloke collecting money for Parkinson's; he was shaking his tin, which I thought was a bit insensitive. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2022 10:35 am
by steveqpr881
I went to the local pet shop, to buy a goldfish.
The bloke said, "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
Top Tip: have a bath in creosote....go on, treat yourself.
& the welcome return of QPR rhyming slang: Mike Keen - Al Green.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2022 10:22 am
by steveqpr881
JOHN22 rang me yesterday, he said "Steve, I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." 
Then he said, "Steve I read your jokes thread religiously - every day, I pray there'll be a funny one."
Thought For The Day:
Booze is not the answer;
booze is the question, the answer is Yes.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2022 1:09 pm
by steveqpr881
Those so-called Scotch eggs, what a rip-off; I ate 3 last night, but I wasn't even slightly pished! 
Just bought a new book, "How to Use a Ladder."
It's a step-by-step guide. 
Alec Stock - Mr. Spock.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2022 12:00 pm
by steveqpr881
re. that ladder book.....I rang the author, but the phone just rung & rung 
A guy at work said the photocopier had run out of ink;
I don't like to be spoken to in that toner voice....
Thought For The Day:
Why is it, whenever Star Trek "boldly goes where no-one's gone before"
that there's always somebody already there?? Highly illogical, captain. 
Interesting Fact: ants never sleep.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2022 4:11 pm
by steveqpr881
here's one I just saw on Facebook - er,er, made it up myself (oops!) 
I used to work with a bloke called Keth.
His real name was Keith, but he lost an eye.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2022 1:22 pm
by steveqpr881
Through the 3,000 barrier, I see!
And today's ribbed tickler:
The head of the local dyslexia group was told he was getting an OBE;
he said, "What's the point - I can't play it." 
I went to see the doc, asked him how I could lose weight.
He said, "Dont eat anything fatty."
I said, "What - like pies, biscuits,cakes?"
He said, "No, I meant dont eat anything - fatty."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2022 3:36 pm
by steveqpr881
Just read a book about anti-gravity; I couldn't put it down.
Reminded me of the book about superglue - I was stuck to it.
QPR Rhyming Slang:
Stan Bowles - Beyonce Knowles.
You know, I'm convinced Kanye West only married her because he was fed up saying,
"This is my fiancee, Beyonce."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2022 4:15 pm
by steveqpr881
Funniest thing I've heard all week - and it's true -
Sainsbury's have just announced, they are re-naming their Chicken Kiev to Chicken Kyiv.
That'll bring Putin to his knees.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2022 10:08 am
by steveqpr881
Brace yourselves mirth fans, here comes an absolute cracker.
I road-tested this on a willing participant - a human guinea pig if you will -
in S.A. Road before the Cardiff game; now, he's asked to stay anonymous,
so of course I respect that totally, I'll only refer to him as St*eve R*ussell
but after I'd told him this ribbed tickler, he said, "Steve son, you absolutely must post that."
So here goes........Just found out I failed my abseiling exam - I let myself down badly. 