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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2024 12:06 pm
by steveqpr881
I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot." 
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb! 
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2024 9:27 am
by steveqpr881
I entered a marathon in Sweden;I knew I'd taken a wrong turn when I crossed the Finnish line.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2024 11:11 am
by steveqpr881
I saw a man in my garden, wearing a baseball cap, a polo shirt & tennis shoes.
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2024 10:43 am
by steveqpr881
I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band...... 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 11:26 am
by steveqpr881
The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue May 07, 2024 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 08, 2024 10:14 am
by steveqpr881
I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu May 09, 2024 12:03 pm
by steveqpr881
Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri May 10, 2024 10:32 am
by steveqpr881
I've just left my job in the luminous ink factory.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat May 11, 2024 9:19 am
by steveqpr881
I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!