Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2024 10:43 am
I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band......
We're a covers band......
well, I jumped at the chance!
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Joke Thread 3.0
Page 40 of 41
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 11:26 am
The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance!
well, I jumped at the chance!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue May 07, 2024 10:48 am
I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 08, 2024 10:14 am
I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu May 09, 2024 12:03 pm
Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!
What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri May 10, 2024 10:32 am
I've just left my job in the luminous ink factory.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
The boss game me a glowing reference.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat May 11, 2024 9:19 am
I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot.
Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too......
Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon May 13, 2024 7:30 am
Anybody see Eurovision? No, me neither;
Anybody know who won it - or care? No, me neither.
Anyway, with all this nice weather we've been having, I decided to buy some new plants for the garden.
I went to the local garden centre, and who should I see - Michael J. Fox!
I knew it was him, he had his back to the fuschias.
I've only just found out my dad was a mime artist for over 50 years!
He certainly kept that quiet.....
Anybody know who won it - or care? No, me neither.
Anyway, with all this nice weather we've been having, I decided to buy some new plants for the garden.
I went to the local garden centre, and who should I see - Michael J. Fox!
I knew it was him, he had his back to the fuschias.
I've only just found out my dad was a mime artist for over 50 years!
He certainly kept that quiet.....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue May 14, 2024 10:36 am
I've lost my job as a tandem sky-diver.
I was always falling out with people.....
I was always falling out with people.....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 15, 2024 9:32 am
The person who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the inventor of the Merry-Go-Round.
They moved in different circles.
Top Tip:
Fishermen -use licquorice as bait, you'll catch all sorts.
They moved in different circles.
Top Tip:
Fishermen -use licquorice as bait, you'll catch all sorts.