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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2024 10:21 am
by steveqpr881
Went shopping yesterday, and I dropped a bag of flour on the floor!
Mind you, I didn't need to pick it up....it was self-raising! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2024 1:11 pm
by steveqpr881
Happy St. George's Day, everyone!
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 9:59 am
by steveqpr881
Newsflash - workers at the tool-sharpening factory have gone on strike;
apparently, they all have an axe to grind! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2024 12:06 pm
by steveqpr881
I was pulled over in my car by Old Bill yesterday!
The copper said, "Would you blow into this bag please, sir."
I asked him why, he said, "Because my chips are too hot." 
Interesting Fact:
Half of the World's bluebells grow in England.
It is an offence to dig them up, punishable by a fine of £5,000 per bulb!
Thought For The Day:
When life gives you anagrams, make melonade.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2024 9:27 am
by steveqpr881
I entered a marathon in Sweden;I knew I'd taken a wrong turn when I crossed the Finnish line.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2024 11:11 am
by steveqpr881
I saw a man in my garden, wearing a baseball cap, a polo shirt & tennis shoes.
I said, "Oi - what's your game??"
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2024 10:43 am
by steveqpr881
I've just started a band; our 1st single is called Duvet, b-side is Eiderdown.
We're a covers band...... 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 01, 2024 11:26 am
by steveqpr881
The boss offered me a pay rise if I could do an impersonation of a frog-
well, I jumped at the chance!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue May 07, 2024 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
I've had to scrap my chicken dating agency.
It did badly, I couldn't make hens meet. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed May 08, 2024 10:14 am
by steveqpr881
I taped a set of dentures to a boomerang, threw it & thought -
that'll come back to bite me.
Reminds me of the time I threw a boomerang at a ghost - it came back to haunt me!