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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:00 am
by steveqpr881
A friend of mine has just retired after working 20 years driving a limousine.
He didn't have a pension though - all that work & nothing to chauffeur it. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2024 10:47 am
by steveqpr881
Just been given a Thesaurus. Can't find the words to express my gratitude. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2024 10:59 am
by steveqpr881
I was talking to Steve R the other day, I said "Steve, have you seen that film, the Hunt For Red October?"
He said, "No - I hate films with sub titles."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2024 11:05 am
by steveqpr881
I see we're through the 900,000 views barrier - I million here we come!!
And today's ribbed tickler:
I've just started working in an ice cream parlour.
6 days a week, I don't do Sundays (sundaes, geddit?? 
)
And an Interesting Fact -
Gorillas are the only animals, apart from Man, to suffer from piles. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2024 7:36 am
by steveqpr881
The wife was annoyed that she missed some new hairdressing show on TV.
I said never mind, the highlights are on later. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Apr 18, 2024 12:16 pm
by steveqpr881
I keep dreaming I'm a horse. That's 5 nights on the trot now.....
Ladies! When I bring you breakfast in bed, how about a word of thanks?
None of your "Who are you & how did you get in my house?"
Just sayin'......
Lee Cook - Dr. Hook
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Apr 19, 2024 10:54 am
by steveqpr881
Went for a job in a mirror factory; I thought, I can see myself doing that.
But I decided not to, on reflection.
Top Tip:
It's the London Marathon this Sunday.
Impress people by staggering around town after it's over, wearing running gear
& with six foot of bacofoil draped over your shoulders.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2024 10:21 am
by steveqpr881
Went shopping yesterday, and I dropped a bag of flour on the floor!
Mind you, I didn't need to pick it up....it was self-raising! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2024 1:11 pm
by steveqpr881
Happy St. George's Day, everyone!
And it's also William Shakespeare's birthday - Shakespeare walked into a tavern & the barkeeper said, "You're bard."
Shakespeare once fancied a holiday in Devon, but he couldn't decide where, exactly - Torbay, or not Torbay?
And in a similar vein - he used to write his plays using a pencil, but he couldn't decide - 2B, or not 2B.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2024 9:59 am
by steveqpr881
Newsflash - workers at the tool-sharpening factory have gone on strike;
apparently, they all have an axe to grind!