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Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2024 11:11 am
by steveqpr881
Got a backlog of Easter jokes, courtesy of Tony Blackburn :?

I stepped on a hot cross bun & got an electric shock - a currant ran up my leg. :o

Went to the doctor, I said I feel like a chocolate Easter bunny;
he said how do you mean? I said hollow inside. 8-)

Interesting Fact:
Soul singer Marvin Gaye was born on this day in 1939;
he played drums on Motown's 1st US No. 1, 'Please Mr. Postman,' by The Marvelettes.
And a bonus Interesting Fact (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
The weekend's Chelsea v Burnley game had 51 shots; only 1 Premiership game has had more,
52 in QPR v Leicester, November 2014

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2024 11:05 am
by steveqpr881
Told my interior decorator, I didn't want any carpet on the staircase;
he just gave me a blank stare.
:?

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2024 12:31 pm
by steveqpr881
Just bumped into a bloke I haven't seen for years - he once sold me a miniature globe.
It's a small world......
8-)

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2024 11:00 am
by steveqpr881
A friend of mine has just retired after working 20 years driving a limousine.
He didn't have a pension though - all that work & nothing to chauffeur it.
:?

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Fri Apr 12, 2024 10:47 am
by steveqpr881
Just been given a Thesaurus. Can't find the words to express my gratitude. 8-)

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2024 10:59 am
by steveqpr881
I was talking to Steve R the other day, I said "Steve, have you seen that film, the Hunt For Red October?"
He said, "No - I hate films with sub titles."
:?

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2024 11:05 am
by steveqpr881
I see we're through the 900,000 views barrier - I million here we come!!
And today's ribbed tickler:
I've just started working in an ice cream parlour.
6 days a week, I don't do Sundays (sundaes, geddit?? ;) )
And an Interesting Fact -
Gorillas are the only animals, apart from Man, to suffer from piles.
:o

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2024 7:36 am
by steveqpr881
The wife was annoyed that she missed some new hairdressing show on TV.
I said never mind, the highlights are on later.
:roll:

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Thu Apr 18, 2024 12:16 pm
by steveqpr881
I keep dreaming I'm a horse. That's 5 nights on the trot now..... :?


Ladies! When I bring you breakfast in bed, how about a word of thanks?
None of your "Who are you & how did you get in my house?"
Just sayin'......


Lee Cook - Dr. Hook

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Fri Apr 19, 2024 10:54 am
by steveqpr881
Went for a job in a mirror factory; I thought, I can see myself doing that.
But I decided not to, on reflection. :?

Top Tip:
It's the London Marathon this Sunday.
Impress people by staggering around town after it's over, wearing running gear
& with six foot of bacofoil draped over your shoulders. 8-)