For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Time once more to don the velvet smoking jacket, channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher
(off of That's Life), turn to the camera, simper and say -
I am indebted to Daniel Wells (aka dannyboy urs off the old offy m/b) for this ribbed tickler-
it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce' (oh, just get on with it - ed.)
The missus said I'm financially irresponsible and gullible; wait until I tell her I've won the Nigerian lottery!

What do we want?
Procrastination.
When do we want it?
Not right now.....
:?
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I don't know if you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show -
eh? what's that? You don't need to, because I tell all his jokes on here -
well that's true, but this morning, Tony told one of mine! And here it is:
With all this warm weather we're having, I b ought a rocket salad yesterday;
but it went off before I could eat it!
Good enough for Tony, good enough for you lot. :D

Sylvester Stallone has been married twice, but both ended in divorce.
The first marriage was rocky, the 2nd was rocky too...... :?

Top Tip: Kid people you've got jaundice, by adding iodine to your bathwater!
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Anybody see Eurovision? No, me neither;
Anybody know who won it - or care? No, me neither.

Anyway, with all this nice weather we've been having, I decided to buy some new plants for the garden.
I went to the local garden centre, and who should I see - Michael J. Fox!
I knew it was him, he had his back to the fuschias. 8-)

I've only just found out my dad was a mime artist for over 50 years!
He certainly kept that quiet.....
:?
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I know you lot won't take umbrage at this - because you don't know what umbrage means 8-)
Last night, the missus said she's leaving me, because of my obsession with Wham.
I said wake me up before you go, go.
:P
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Happy Birthday Bob Dylan, 83 today! Just thought I'd mention it......

When I was a kid, my dad used to put me inside old tyres & roll me down the hill -
they were the good years. 8-)

Thought For The Day:
Saying 'let that sink in' after you've said something does not make it any more profound.
Let that sink in.
:ugeek:
Last edited by steveqpr881 on Thu Jun 13, 2024 12:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I once asked my dad if he could explain what a solar eclipse was.
He said, "No, son." :?

The Burning Question:
Why oh why was the QE2 Bridge named after the famous ship?? :shock:

Interesting Fact:
Janet Keiller, who invented marmalade, was an ancestor of tv gardener* Monty Don!
Well I never.
(*- when I say tv gardener, I mean he's a gardener who's on tv, not that he's a gardener & a transvestite.)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've got a new job, helping out a bloke who fixes potholes.
When he can't do it, I fill in for him...... 8-)

Interesting Fact:
Bumf is military slang, short for bumfodder, or toilet paper. :o

QPR Rhyming Slang:
Marcus Bean - James Dean.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My 3 sons have won the Pogoing Championship for the 3rd year running!
That's 3 on the bounce!! :D

Top Tip:
Never fall asleep on a cross word - you'll wake up with a puzzled expression.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My local library has started lending vegetables.I thought - that's a turnip for the books. :oops:

Interesting Fact:
Legally, ice cream vans' chimes must last no more than 12 seconds.
Well I never!
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

A friend came round the house, I offered him a coffee.
He said, "Is it instant?" I said, "I'll be as quick as I can." :D

I've just written my autobiography, but I can't find a publisher who's interested.
That's the story of my life....
;)
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