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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2024 11:39 am
by steveqpr881
I keep forgetting to pay the rent on my allotment;
I think I'm losing the plot. 
A friend of mine composes songs on a sewing machine!
He's a Singer songwriter. 
And some QPR rhyming slang:
Marcus Bean - Barry Sheen.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2024 4:05 pm
by steveqpr881
A friend suggested we change our names to pheasant & partridge;
I said - I'm game for that!
Paul Parker - Tarka (the otter)
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2024 3:50 pm
by steveqpr881
Was talking to a friend last night; he said his wife went out for some milk 2 weeks ago, and never came back!
I asked him how we was coping; he said, "Not too bad, I'm getting used to the powdered stuff." 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2024 12:15 pm
by steveqpr881
Just got a new job, as a scarecrow. I'm outstanding in my field. 
I pulled a muscle when I picked up a pile of old magazines; now I've got back issues.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2024 11:34 am
by steveqpr881
I've just made a car out of washing machine parts; I'm taking it for a spin later.
Mind you, the council's just put a speed hump in my road; but I'm sure I'll get over it. 
QPR RS: Paulo Di Canio - Jack de Manio.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2024 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
I slept like a log last night - woke up in the fireplace.
I got up wondering when the sun would rise; then it dawned on me.
Thought For The Day:
If, as the makers of Pringles tell us, 'Once you've popped you can't stop'
then why do their packets have re-sealable lids?? 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2024 11:38 am
by steveqpr881
The missus complained I was always walking in front of her.
I said, I'm sorry, I don't follow you.....
Steve Burke - Pauline Quirk.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2024 11:10 am
by steveqpr881
I've just invented a new game, Quiet Tennis;
it's like ordinary tennis, but without the racket.
A bloke in the pub was telling Motown jokes; I asked him if he knew any more, and he said
"Three...maybe four - tops."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Mar 20, 2024 10:02 am
by steveqpr881
I went to a fancy dress party, as a screwdriver....turned a few heads.
Sean Connery told me, "A book fell on my head - I only have myshelf to blame."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2024 10:25 am
by steveqpr881
Time to once more channel the late Cyril Fletcher off of 'That's Life,'
smooth down my velvet smoking jacket (get on with it! - ed.),
turn to camera & simper, "I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka
dannyboyurs off the old offy m/b, who posted this on Facebook yesterday
- if you acknowledge your 'sauce,' as QBP used to say, then it's not plagiarism
(it'd better be worth it, after this build-up - ed.)
I've just ordered a book off Amazon, "How Not To Be Ripped Off." Only £150!!
And,as it's National Poetry Day, here to celebrate is a poem what I have wrote specially:
I opened my fridge
And what did I see?
My pet budgie
Smiling at me.
I thank you.