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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2024 11:52 am
by steveqpr881
I went to the National Toupee Awards last night.
All the bigwigs were there. 
Thought For The Day:
Paradoxes are funny things - you can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2024 10:09 am
by steveqpr881
Just bought a cross-breed dog from a magician; it's a Labrcadabra. 
Top Tip:
Want to look 10 years younger?
Take your glasses off before you look in the mirror. 
Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions?
I do!! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2024 10:23 am
by steveqpr881
If anybody needs a lesson in double entendre, I'd be happy to give you one 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2024 11:36 am
by steveqpr881
My clock business hasn't been doing very well, I've had to wind it up.
On a more positive note (it couldn't get any worse - ed.) I've been writing a book about
clocks & watches, it's taken me years but it's out next week. It's about time.
And the welcome return of an old favourite - The Burning Issue.
Today we ask - forcing rhubarb, should it be outlawed??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2024 11:18 am
by steveqpr881
I failed the magician's exam. They were all trick questions.
The wife kept nagging me, for doing an impression of a flamingo;
well, I had to put my foot down!
Thought For The Day:
Is chewing your nails cannibalism??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2024 11:39 am
by steveqpr881
I keep forgetting to pay the rent on my allotment;
I think I'm losing the plot.
A friend of mine composes songs on a sewing machine!
He's a Singer songwriter. 
And some QPR rhyming slang:
Marcus Bean - Barry Sheen.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2024 3:50 pm
by steveqpr881
Was talking to a friend last night; he said his wife went out for some milk 2 weeks ago, and never came back!
I asked him how we was coping; he said, "Not too bad, I'm getting used to the powdered stuff."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2024 12:15 pm
by steveqpr881
Just got a new job, as a scarecrow. I'm outstanding in my field.
I pulled a muscle when I picked up a pile of old magazines; now I've got back issues.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2024 11:34 am
by steveqpr881
I've just made a car out of washing machine parts; I'm taking it for a spin later.
Mind you, the council's just put a speed hump in my road; but I'm sure I'll get over it.
QPR RS: Paulo Di Canio - Jack de Manio.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2024 10:48 am
by steveqpr881
I slept like a log last night - woke up in the fireplace.
I got up wondering when the sun would rise; then it dawned on me.
Thought For The Day:
If, as the makers of Pringles tell us, 'Once you've popped you can't stop'
then why do their packets have re-sealable lids??