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Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2024 11:31 am
by steveqpr881
Must admit, I'm a bit of a prude.
If I see any innuendo in a joke, I whip it out immediately :oops:

I opened my water & electricity bills at the same time; I certainly got a shock! :o

Top Tip:
Ladies, if your man says he'll do something, he'll do it;
there's no need to keep reminding him every 6 months.
8-)

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2024 11:56 am
by steveqpr881
Times were tough when I was a kid; Mum worked in a nail shop, Dad was a chiropodist.
We always lived from hand to mouth. :?
I never had new clothes, always got my stuff form the Army & Navy store.
It was no fun going to school in the full dress uniform of a Japanese admiral! :o

Interesting Fact:
When Charles 1 started his reign, he was 5 foot 8;
when his reign ended, he was 5 foot 1
. ;)

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2024 11:52 am
by steveqpr881
I went to the National Toupee Awards last night.
All the bigwigs were there. :D

Thought For The Day:
Paradoxes are funny things - you can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
:?

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2024 10:09 am
by steveqpr881
Just bought a cross-breed dog from a magician; it's a Labrcadabra. 8-)

Top Tip:
Want to look 10 years younger?
Take your glasses off before you look in the mirror. :shock:

Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions?
I do!! :geek:

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2024 10:23 am
by steveqpr881
If anybody needs a lesson in double entendre, I'd be happy to give you one :o ;)

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2024 11:36 am
by steveqpr881
My clock business hasn't been doing very well, I've had to wind it up. :?
On a more positive note (it couldn't get any worse - ed.) I've been writing a book about
clocks & watches, it's taken me years but it's out next week. It's about time. ;)

And the welcome return of an old favourite - The Burning Issue.
Today we ask - forcing rhubarb, should it be outlawed??
:o

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2024 11:18 am
by steveqpr881
I failed the magician's exam. They were all trick questions. :?

The wife kept nagging me, for doing an impression of a flamingo;
well, I had to put my foot down! 8-)

Thought For The Day:
Is chewing your nails cannibalism??
:o

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2024 12:16 pm
by steveqpr881
I've just been diagnosed as having a fear of giants;
or to use the medical term, Feefifobia. :o

Some things that didn't exist 20 years ago:-
Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, You Tube, Uber, Spotify......and Man City fans. :D

Thought For The Day:
Dog grooming - should the RSPCA do something about it??
:?

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2024 11:44 am
by steveqpr881
I've taken up ballet lessons!
Tell you what, learning to pirouette certainly keeps you on your toes. :shock:

Drank a bottle of invisible ink, so I had to go to A & E;
took me hours to be seen.
:D

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2024 12:25 pm
by steveqpr881
Yesterday's so-called Manchester - Derby game was a joke
(you've done this one to death - ed.)
Ok, what about this ribbed tickler:
A friend said he didn't understand cloning; I said that makes 2 of us.
8-)