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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2024 12:26 pm
by steveqpr881
I've heard a rumour about margerine, but I don't want to spread it..... 
watched an Aussie TV cooking show, somebody made a meringue & the audience clapped -
as it was Australia, I thought they'd boo meringues?? 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2024 12:50 pm
by steveqpr881
As today is Burns Night, I thought I'd celebrate with this ribbed tickler.
JD was out for a walk with his good lady wife Alison.
As they passed a luxury restaurant, she said "Oh, that smells divine."
So JD said, " OK, I'm going to spoil you."
And he turned around, and walked her past the restaurant again. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2024 11:54 am
by steveqpr881
2 slices of bread got married; all went well, until someone wanted to toast the bride & groom.
I was in a restaurant yesterday, and the waiter came up to the table holding a flag & a pistol.
Which was odd, because I hadn't ordered a starter. 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2024 11:56 am
by steveqpr881
Wishing a very Happy Birthday to this thread's spiritual guru*, Tony Blackburn - 81 today!
(*- that's where the majority of the jokes come from)
And here to celebrate is a selection of the finest ribbed ticklers from his weekend shows:
I sent my hearing aids off to be repaired; it's been 3 weeks now & I haven't heard a thing.
My pet goose can read all of the government's information; he's a proper gander.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2024 11:51 am
by steveqpr881
Time once more to don my velvet smoking jacket & channel Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life to say -
I am indebted to Rs fan Dan Wells (dannyboyUrs off of the old offy mb) for this ribbed tickler, what he put on Facebook:
I've been invited to a combined Burns Night/ Chinese New Year party.
They're calling it a Chinese Burns party.
Wasn't going to go at first, but they twisted my arm.
Esther.....
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2024 9:52 am
by steveqpr881
Just found out I'm allergic to liquorice.
I've got allsorts of symptoms.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2024 11:34 am
by steveqpr881
A friend of mine's started working for a dictionary publisher.
I fancy a job there myself, so I asked him to put a word in for me. 
Went to an exhibition, all about shoemakers.
I wouldn't bother if I were you, it was a load of old cobblers. 
Thought For The Day:
The problem with kleptomaniacs is, they take everything - literally.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2024 9:34 am
by steveqpr881
I entered a competition to design work-wear.
I was the overall winner!
And today's Interesting Fact:
Yesterday, Feb. 4th, was a palindrome.
That is, the numbers read the same backwards, as they do forwards.
i.e., 4/2/24.
And that is the only palindrome date this year. Well I never!
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2024 12:18 pm
by steveqpr881
I've just started a new job, recycling old shoes.
But I've got to give it up - it's sole destroying.
Today's Interesting Fact:
We all know that the tomato is a fruit; but did you know that
rhubarb is a vegetable? Well it is. Well-I-Never! 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2024 11:25 am
by steveqpr881
Why was the baby jalapeno shivering?
Because it was a little chilli.