Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I told the wife she was painting her eyebrows too high - she looked surprised.
The world's tallest barber is 7'6" - he's a cut above the rest.

[steveqpr881]

I went for a hearing test & was told I just needed some quality sleep.
My hearing's not improved, but at least I enjoyed the chocolates.

I had to give up fast food, so I bought a slow cooker.


btw, re. the new manager.......Angie Postcode's available - just sayin'.....

[steveqpr881]

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia - she whispered, "It's behind you."

I've invented a new word - plagiarism.
Speaking of words, shall I explain what patronising means??

[steveqpr881]

I lost the audiobook I borrowed from a friend....now I'll never hear the end of it

[steveqpr881]

Devon & Cornwall have cancelled their planned joint rock festival.
They couldn't decide to put The Jam on first, or Cream.

[steveqpr881]

I went to the local hospital & saw a man holding a sign that said, " & Emergency."
I asked him how he got it, and he said, "By accident."

Talking to the local vicar, I said "That's a nice church, vicar."
He said, "It's Norman" - so I said, "That's a nice church, Norman."

[steveqpr881]

Nothing for me in the king's birthday honours list. Not even an OBE.
Would a knighthood be too much to ask??
Picture the scene - "For services to comedy, (tap tap) arise Sir Steve."
But I'm not bitter and here to prove it is the pick of today's Tony Blackburn Show:
As it's summer, I've started a magazine devoted to ice cream. I've just had my 1st scoop.
But the only thing I take seriously in newspapers these days, is fish & chips -
& I even take that with a pinch of salt.