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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2022 10:42 am
by steveqpr881
969 views - only 8 since yesterday, what's going on??
Anyway, some good news mirth fans; I overslept this morning & missed today's Tony Blackburn Show.
So here instead are some golden oldies, retrieved from the last Joke Fred, before the website crashed.
2 Yanks knocked on my door, with suits & crew cuts; they asked me if I ever ate brown bread;
they were Hovis Witnesses.
I took my goldfish to the vet, because I thought it had epilepsy;
the vet said, "Well, it looks OK to me."
I said, "Hang on - I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Jan 15, 2022 12:39 pm
by steveqpr881
Once more, it's that day of the week you all forward to ("dread," shurely - ed.)
- the day of The Tony Blackburn Show. Here is the pick of today's ribbed ticklers.
I hired a luxury car, but the driver didn't show up; all that money spent, and nothing to chauffeur it.
And there's more ("M'sieur, you are really spoiling us")
My wife said, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I said, "To be honest, I didn't even know he could play cricket."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2022 11:20 am
by steveqpr881
I trod on a bunch of grapes.
It didn't make much noise, just gave a little whine.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2022 12:13 pm
by steveqpr881
Heard on the radio this morning that today is Global Belly Laugh Day
(who gets to decide these things?? )
so here is a belly laugh:
Julie Andrews came round my house once.
I offered her a cup of tea, and said "Milk?" "Yes please." "Sugar?" "Just a spoonful."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:20 pm
by steveqpr881
I've invented the cold-air balloon.....but I'm not sure if it'll take off.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2022 1:32 pm
by steveqpr881
R.I.P. Barry Cryer, one of the greats of British comedy over the last 50+ years.
Here is one of his best jokes.
A woman sees a parrot in a pet shop window, and goes in to ask how.
"£20," says the assistant. "That's cheap," she says-
to which the assistant says, "Yes, he used to work in a brothel."
So she buys the parrot & takes him home.
Once there, he has a look around & says,"What a lovely room."
Then the woman's daughter walks in & the parrot says, "What a lovely girl."
Then the woman's husband walks in, and the parrot says, "Hello, Keith."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2022 1:03 pm
by steveqpr881
I've just bought 2 dogs, Rolex & Timex.
They're watchdogs.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2022 1:16 pm
by steveqpr881
Went to see the Polish Pink Floyd tribute band.
They're cheaper than the real thing, and do The Wall in half the time!
Speaking of rock bands, what if they went into grocery when they retired;
you'd have Chrissie Hynde's baked beans, Ali Campbell's soups, Kraftwerk cheese slices.....
btw, put a joke up on this thread, and win £5!! *