Page 16 of 41
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2022 1:09 pm
by steveqpr881
Road-tested this in S.A. Rd. before the Boro game (no animals were harmed)
& it got a great reaction, so here goes......
had a terrible row with the missus yesterday, she threw 5 cricket balls at me.
I said - one more, and it's over.
Today's Burning Question:
Why is it that, when you boil an egg it goes hard, but when you boil a
potato it goes soft??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2022 1:19 pm
by steveqpr881
Here's a bonus joke ("M'sieu, you are really spoiling us," as the posh bird in the Ferrero Rocher ad used to say)
Just nicked it off Facebook, it's an oldie but a goldie.
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Chinaman, an American, a Mexican,a German,
a Vietnamese, a Malaysian, an Australian (it can go on for as many countries as you like, but you get the idea)
walked into a night club and the bouncer said -
"Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2022 10:33 am
by steveqpr881
They say a cat always lands on it's feet, and when toast is dropped on the floor it always lands buttered side down.
So as an experiment, I threw my neighbour's cat out of the window with a slice of buttered toast strapped to it's back.
And what happened? She set the RSPCA on me.
The Burning Question:
Are people with a photographic memory born that way, or does it take time to develop??
And finally Ronnie - QPR Rhyming Slang:
Grant Hall - Zoe Ball. Eye thenk-yew.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2022 9:21 am
by steveqpr881
Went to the pub last night, and I must admit, I had a few.
When I came out, a copper came up to me & said,
"Do you know you're staggering?"
I said, "You're not too bad yourself."
Thought For The Day - or is it The Burning Question?? I get confused....
Anyway, don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2022 10:30 am
by steveqpr881
Now, you all know how much it winds me up, to hear it's national such & such a day
(we should, Steve,you tell us often enough - ed. )
well, here's one I don't object to - apparently, today is National Tell A Joke Day!
So brace yourselves for a jamboree of jokes, a festival of fun, (we get the idea, get on with it-ed.)
A tortoise was mugged by 2 snails; he went to the cop shop & they asked him what happened
but he said, "I don't really know...it happened so fast."
Q: What's made of leather & sounds like a sneeze? A: A shoe.
Traffic news: a cement mixer has collided with a prison bus.
Police are looking for hardened criminals.
I've just bought a self-help book; Ventriloquism For Dummies.
And the posh bird from the Ferrero Rocher ad said...….
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2022 9:09 am
by Kerrins
I went into my local fish and chip shop the other day.
What type of Cod do you have?
We have the ordinary Cod which is £4.00 and the Manchester United Cod which costs £6.00
That's a big difference!!..... Well yes its because the Manchester Utd Cod has been battered.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2022 9:13 am
by steveqpr881
Can't make it to today's game because of the train strike,
so I rang Steve Russell to order one of his new badges.
He said, "Steve son, you'll have to speak up, I've got jelly & fruit in one ear
and sponge & custard in the other ear; I'm a trifle deaf."
All this talk about hosepipe bans.....the water in my area is so hard,
the plumbers go around in pairs.
Been watching the European Games?
A friend of mine's a carpet fitter, he was banned for using stair rods.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2022 8:07 am
by steveqpr881
They say it'll be wet today, which reminds me of the time I won the
annual Meteorological Competition; I beat the raining champion.
Top Tip:
Men! Wear your trousers back to front; that way, you'll never get
'caught in your zip' after having a pee.
Thought For The Day:
If Geoffrey Boycott became a vegan, what do you think he'd bang on about the most -
coming from Yorkshire, or being a vegan??
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2022 11:36 am
by steveqpr881
And here's a bonus Interesting Fact:
just had to write out today's date, and I noticed it's a palindrome-
22/8/22.
Next one isn't until 22nd September.