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Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2022 8:20 am
by steveqpr881
Went to a friend's wedding, and I was asked to say a few words.
Didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Bargain."
Afterwards, he came up to me & said, "Thanks - that meant a lot to me." 
And a new feature: On This Day in History.
On June 29th, 1972, Slade were top of the pops, with "Take Me Back Home."
The England World Cup song.....or maybe not 
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2022 9:16 am
by steveqpr881
When I was a kid, we were so poor, my mum used to get all my clothes from the Army & Navy.
It was so humiliating, going to school in the full dress uniform of a Japanese admiral. 
On This Day In History:
In 1961, Del Shannon was top of the charts, with "Runaway."
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2022 12:28 pm
by steveqpr881
Last night, I dreamt I was making 1,000 pancakes.
I was tossing & turning all night.
Interesting Fact: Coronation Street's theme tune is called Kaleidoscope No. 1
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2022 11:15 am
by steveqpr881
Asked my mate if he'd seen the new Elvis film; he said, "Uh-huh." 
Interesting fact: the Pearl & Dean music is called "Asteroids."
All together now, pa-pa-pa-pa, pa-pa-pa-pa-pa......
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2022 11:26 am
by steveqpr881
Just got a job at a factory that makes bike wheels.
I'm their new spokesman. 
Interesting Fact:
The full name of Mr. Humphreys in "Are You Being Served?" was Wilberforce Clayborn.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 9:17 am
by steveqpr881
Saw a group last night - Blanket.
They're a covers band.
And bye-bye Boris.
The Tory Party sacks their leaders more often than QPR sack their managers! 
Stop being gullible!! Send me £2,000 & I'll show you how.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 9:36 am
by steveqpr881
steveqpr881 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 08, 2022 9:17 am
And bye-bye Boris.
The Tory Party sacks their leaders more often than QPR sack their managers!
btw, Michael Gove for next P.M??
Would be nice to have an Rs fan in No. 10.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2022 9:40 am
by steveqpr881
Since Boris resigned, I've been deluged with emails, letters, phone calls.......
hundreds of them; well, dozens (you've done this to death already - ed.)
OK, to be honest, none. But they all said the same thing -
"Why don't you run for PM, Steve?"
Well, I'd love to.
I know I'd make a good one.
But there's just one small problem.....
I'm not a member of the Tory Party.
But I'd be happy to serve in some other capacity - say Minister of Mirth.
And here, to launch my campaign, is this ribbed tickler fresh from The Tony Blackburn Show*
I had dinner with a group of electricians;
they skipped the starter & went straight to the mains.
Vote for me!!
* - he ripped of yet another of my jokes on this morning's show -
the one about an insomniac sleeping on the edge of the bed & dropping off.
I'm sure he reads this thread......
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2022 10:20 am
by steveqpr881
I was ripped off at the binocular shop.
They must have seen me coming.
On This Day In History:
12th July 1962, The Rolling Stones played their first gig, at The Marquee.
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2022 10:06 am
by steveqpr881
Newsflash! A lorry carrying 2 tons of strawberries has overturned on the M1;
police warn that there may be a large jam.
I entered the Unusual Pet Competition. But the judges said a tin of sardines wasn't allowed. 