969 views - only 8 since yesterday, what's going on??
Anyway, some good news mirth fans; I overslept this morning & missed today's Tony Blackburn Show.
So here instead are some golden oldies, retrieved from the last Joke Fred, before the website crashed.
2 Yanks knocked on my door, with suits & crew cuts; they asked me if I ever ate brown bread;
they were Hovis Witnesses.
I took my goldfish to the vet, because I thought it had epilepsy;
the vet said, "Well, it looks OK to me."
I said, "Hang on - I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
Once more, it's that day of the week you all forward to ("dread," shurely - ed.)
- the day of The Tony Blackburn Show. Here is the pick of today's ribbed ticklers.
I hired a luxury car, but the driver didn't show up; all that money spent, and nothing to chauffeur it.
And there's more ("M'sieur, you are really spoiling us")
My wife said, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I said, "To be honest, I didn't even know he could play cricket."
Heard on the radio this morning that today is Global Belly Laugh Day
(who gets to decide these things?? )
so here is a belly laugh:
Julie Andrews came round my house once.
I offered her a cup of tea, and said "Milk?" "Yes please." "Sugar?" "Just a spoonful."
R.I.P. Barry Cryer, one of the greats of British comedy over the last 50+ years.
Here is one of his best jokes.
A woman sees a parrot in a pet shop window, and goes in to ask how.
"£20," says the assistant. "That's cheap," she says-
to which the assistant says, "Yes, he used to work in a brothel."
So she buys the parrot & takes him home.
Once there, he has a look around & says,"What a lovely room."
Then the woman's daughter walks in & the parrot says, "What a lovely girl."
Then the woman's husband walks in, and the parrot says, "Hello, Keith."
A very Happy Birthday to that leg end of comedy, and this Fred's spiritual inspiration -
Tony Blackburn is a Poptastic 79 today!!
And here, to celebrate, is a sensational selection of the top gags from his Radio 2 show this morning.
I sent Tony a boomerang as a birthday present; I hope it'll give him many happy returns.
I asked him to play "Bus Stop," by The Hollies; it was a request bus stop.
I planted some spring bulbs recently, but they're not doing too well -
they haven't grown hyacinth last week.
Funniest thing I heard all weekend was BBC Radio Berkshire's commentary on the Real Hoops v Phony Hoops game.
The 3 commentators are all pro-Reading, 2 of them are ex-players.
Here's a selection of their finest.....
1st half: Pathetic - a shambles - I'm pulling me hair out - an absolute mess - it's just been awful, this 1st half - lack of heart, lack of belief
2nd half: Goodness gracious me, I think we've had enough - it could even be a lot worse than 4-nil - Reading are absolutely clueless - Its looking pretty gloomy for Reading - QPR are just sitting back now - the only positive thing is that it's only 4-nil - could've been 8 or 9 -
Reading's man of the match was their goalie.
Saving the best for last, after the match their manager said, "We played some good football in between the goals."
Went to see the Polish Pink Floyd tribute band.
They're cheaper than the real thing, and do The Wall in half the time!
Speaking of rock bands, what if they went into grocery when they retired;
you'd have Chrissie Hynde's baked beans, Ali Campbell's soups, Kraftwerk cheese slices.....
btw, put a joke up on this thread, and win £5!! *
Last edited by steveqpr881 on Tue Feb 08, 2022 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
