Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I applied for a job in a sandwich bar, but I got an email saying the roll had been filled.....

Interesting Fact:
The World's Smallest & Tallest women met recently.
Jyoti Amge is just 2' 1" & Rumeysa Gdgi is 7' 11" !!

[Kerrins]

Old Joke but always seems to remain topical(and in my personal view somewhat true)........
stop me if you have heard it before

Question. What is the definition of an Economist?
Answer. A person who knows everything but can predict nothing.

[steveqpr881]

I made myself an abacus out of Polo mints;
it helps with my menthol arithmetic.

[steveqpr881]

As previously mentioned, as we're now in December it's time to once more
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.

Todays Christmas Classic is about the famous Xmas song, "Little Drummer Boy," by Bing Crosbie & David Bowie.
When Bowie arrived at the studio to record the song, he noticed that Bing looked upset.
He said, "Hello Bing, what's up?"
"Well Dave," replied the old crooner, "My inflatable ass has sprung a leak."
Bowie replied, "Never mind, Bing - you can use my rubber bum pump."
"Rubber bum pump?" said Bing;
"Rubber bum pump," said Bowie.
All together now, rubber bum pump, rubber bum pump

[steveqpr881]

The winner of the Turner Prize is announced today; it's also the 40th anniversary.
Thought For The Day: Why did Tina Turner never win??

Anyway, time to open today's door on.......
The Advent Calendar of Doooooom.
Men - if you ask the missus what she wants for Xmas and she says 'Something with diamonds,'
a pack of cards will not do!

[steveqpr881]

Hear about the shoplifter who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!

[steveqpr881]

I put the Xmas tree up yesterday, but the dog ate all the decorations!
I had to take him to the vet - he was suffering from tinsellitus.

[steveqpr881]

Time once more to open the door (Must we?? - ed.) on....
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.
Best present I had last Xmas was a teach-yourself mime kit - I was literally speechless.

[steveqpr881]

What about this storm we've got at the moment?!
It's so windy, a chicken laid the same egg twice!!

And time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
Last year, somebody gave me a book on DIY surgery;
when I opened it, the appendix had been taken out!!

[steveqpr881]

Once more ,we open today's door on the AC of D:
Scientists have crossed a turkey with an octopus.
No matter how many people there are around the table, everyone gets a drumstick!!