Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I've heard a rumour about margerine, but I don't want to spread it.....
watched an Aussie TV cooking show, somebody made a meringue & the audience clapped -
as it was Australia, I thought they'd boo meringues??

[steveqpr881]

As today is Burns Night, I thought I'd celebrate with this ribbed tickler.
JD was out for a walk with his good lady wife Alison.
As they passed a luxury restaurant, she said "Oh, that smells divine."
So JD said, " OK, I'm going to spoil you."
And he turned around, and walked her past the restaurant again.

[steveqpr881]

2 slices of bread got married; all went well, until someone wanted to toast the bride & groom.

I was in a restaurant yesterday, and the waiter came up to the table holding a flag & a pistol.
Which was odd, because I hadn't ordered a starter.

[steveqpr881]

Wishing a very Happy Birthday to this thread's spiritual guru*, Tony Blackburn - 81 today!
(*- that's where the majority of the jokes come from)
And here to celebrate is a selection of the finest ribbed ticklers from his weekend shows:
I sent my hearing aids off to be repaired; it's been 3 weeks now & I haven't heard a thing.
My pet goose can read all of the government's information; he's a proper gander.

[steveqpr881]

Time once more to don my velvet smoking jacket & channel Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life to say -
I am indebted to Rs fan Dan Wells (dannyboyUrs off of the old offy mb) for this ribbed tickler, what he put on Facebook:
I've been invited to a combined Burns Night/ Chinese New Year party.
They're calling it a Chinese Burns party.
Wasn't going to go at first, but they twisted my arm.
Esther.....

[steveqpr881]

Just found out I'm allergic to liquorice.
I've got allsorts of symptoms.

[steveqpr881]

A friend of mine's started working for a dictionary publisher.
I fancy a job there myself, so I asked him to put a word in for me.

Went to an exhibition, all about shoemakers.
I wouldn't bother if I were you, it was a load of old cobblers.

Thought For The Day:
The problem with kleptomaniacs is, they take everything - literally.

[steveqpr881]

I entered a competition to design work-wear.
I was the overall winner!

And today's Interesting Fact:
Yesterday, Feb. 4th, was a palindrome.
That is, the numbers read the same backwards, as they do forwards.
i.e., 4/2/24.
And that is the only palindrome date this year. Well I never!

[steveqpr881]

I've just started a new job, recycling old shoes.
But I've got to give it up - it's sole destroying.

Today's Interesting Fact:
We all know that the tomato is a fruit; but did you know that
rhubarb is a vegetable? Well it is. Well-I-Never!

[steveqpr881]

Why was the baby jalapeno shivering?
Because it was a little chilli.