Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

The local lion tamer has gone bankrupt - must be terrible, to lose his pride!
Maybe we could have a whip-round for him.

[steveqpr881]

I went to the library, I said "Have you got any books about turtles?"
The librarian said, "Hard back?"
I said, "Yes - and a small head."

[steveqpr881]

I like to write songs about birds, but I'm running out of ideas.
The next one could be my swan song.

[steveqpr881]

I've been thrown out of the Secret Cookery Club!
I kept spilling the beans.

[steveqpr881]

I returned an overdue book to the library, "A History of Clocks."
The librarian said, "It's about time."

QPR Rhyming Slang.
It was his birthday yesterday, so....
Iain Dowie - David Bowie.

[steveqpr881]

Just lost my job as the Town Crier.......I was in tears.

[steveqpr881]

A bear walks into a pub.
He says, "Can I have a large vodka.............and Coke, please."
The barman asks, "Why the long pause?"
The bear replies, "Dunno - I've had them since I was born."
No animals were harmed in the making of this joke.

[steveqpr881]

Just went to the Mecchano exhibition.
It was riveting.

[steveqpr881]

I was just charged £20 for a roll of Velcro - what a rip-off

[steveqpr881]

A mate told me to bet on a horse called Landfill, so I had a fiver on it.
But it came last - what a poor tip that was.

Highlighters are the pens of the future - mark my words.