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steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Message for Dubliner: there's a message for you, on The Boot Room. 8-)
I just had a sneaky peek, and it's a Top Tip from Steve Russell: make your waterbed bouncier, fill it with spring water. :D
Just walked past a charity bloke collecting money for Parkinson's; he was shaking his tin, which I thought was a bit insensitive.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I went to the local pet shop, to buy a goldfish.
The bloke said, "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

Top Tip: have a bath in creosote....go on, treat yourself. :o

& the welcome return of QPR rhyming slang: Mike Keen - Al Green.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

JOHN22 rang me yesterday, he said "Steve, I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." :roll:
Then he said, "Steve I read your jokes thread religiously - every day, I pray there'll be a funny one." :o

Thought For The Day:
Booze is not the answer;
booze is the question, the answer is Yes.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Those so-called Scotch eggs, what a rip-off; I ate 3 last night, but I wasn't even slightly pished! :x

Just bought a new book, "How to Use a Ladder."
It's a step-by-step guide. ;)

Alec Stock - Mr. Spock.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

re. that ladder book.....I rang the author, but the phone just rung & rung :(

A guy at work said the photocopier had run out of ink;
I don't like to be spoken to in that toner voice....

Thought For The Day:
Why is it, whenever Star Trek "boldly goes where no-one's gone before"
that there's always somebody already there?? Highly illogical, captain. :geek:

Interesting Fact: ants never sleep.

steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

here's one I just saw on Facebook - er,er, made it up myself (oops!) :oops:
I used to work with a bloke called Keth.
His real name was Keith, but he lost an eye.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Through the 3,000 barrier, I see!
And today's ribbed tickler:
The head of the local dyslexia group was told he was getting an OBE;
he said, "What's the point - I can't play it." :?

I went to see the doc, asked him how I could lose weight.
He said, "Dont eat anything fatty."
I said, "What - like pies, biscuits,cakes?"
He said, "No, I meant dont eat anything - fatty."
:oops:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Just read a book about anti-gravity; I couldn't put it down.
Reminded me of the book about superglue - I was stuck to it.

QPR Rhyming Slang:
Stan Bowles - Beyonce Knowles.
You know, I'm convinced Kanye West only married her because he was fed up saying,
"This is my fiancee, Beyonce."
:?
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Funniest thing I've heard all week - and it's true -
Sainsbury's have just announced, they are re-naming their Chicken Kiev to Chicken Kyiv.
That'll bring Putin to his knees.
:roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Brace yourselves mirth fans, here comes an absolute cracker.
I road-tested this on a willing participant - a human guinea pig if you will -
in S.A. Road before the Cardiff game; now, he's asked to stay anonymous,
so of course I respect that totally, I'll only refer to him as St*eve R*ussell 8-)
but after I'd told him this ribbed tickler, he said, "Steve son, you absolutely must post that."
So here goes........Just found out I failed my abseiling exam - I let myself down badly.
:lol:
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