Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Those so-called Scotch eggs, what a rip-off; I ate 3 last night, but I wasn't even slightly pished!

Just bought a new book, "How to Use a Ladder."
It's a step-by-step guide.

Alec Stock - Mr. Spock.

[steveqpr881]

re. that ladder book.....I rang the author, but the phone just rung & rung

A guy at work said the photocopier had run out of ink;
I don't like to be spoken to in that toner voice....

Thought For The Day:
Why is it, whenever Star Trek "boldly goes where no-one's gone before"
that there's always somebody already there?? Highly illogical, captain.

Interesting Fact: ants never sleep.

[steveqpr881]

here's one I just saw on Facebook - er,er, made it up myself (oops!)
I used to work with a bloke called Keth.
His real name was Keith, but he lost an eye.

[steveqpr881]

Through the 3,000 barrier, I see!
And today's ribbed tickler:
The head of the local dyslexia group was told he was getting an OBE;
he said, "What's the point - I can't play it."

I went to see the doc, asked him how I could lose weight.
He said, "Dont eat anything fatty."
I said, "What - like pies, biscuits,cakes?"
He said, "No, I meant dont eat anything - fatty."

[steveqpr881]

Just read a book about anti-gravity; I couldn't put it down.
Reminded me of the book about superglue - I was stuck to it.

QPR Rhyming Slang:
Stan Bowles - Beyonce Knowles.
You know, I'm convinced Kanye West only married her because he was fed up saying,
"This is my fiancee, Beyonce."

[steveqpr881]

Funniest thing I've heard all week - and it's true -
Sainsbury's have just announced, they are re-naming their Chicken Kiev to Chicken Kyiv.
That'll bring Putin to his knees.

[steveqpr881]

Brace yourselves mirth fans, here comes an absolute cracker.
I road-tested this on a willing participant - a human guinea pig if you will -
in S.A. Road before the Cardiff game; now, he's asked to stay anonymous,
so of course I respect that totally, I'll only refer to him as St*eve R*ussell
but after I'd told him this ribbed tickler, he said, "Steve son, you absolutely must post that."
So here goes........Just found out I failed my abseiling exam - I let myself down badly.

[steveqpr881]

.....and in a similar vein, I had an audition as a trumpet player - but I blew it.

Interesting Fact: this week is National Procrastination Week.
Must do something to celebrate.....I'll get round to it some time.... :

[steveqpr881]

Just turned down a job in a sandwich bar.
Didn't know what it involved....the boss just said I'd be filling a variety of roles.

A local tattoo artist offered to ink my girlfriend for free.
I think he's trying to steal her away from me.......
he's admitted he's got designs on her.

[steveqpr881]

Oh, one more thing (as Lootenant Columbo used to say)-
& I must admit, this is a left-over from Saturday's game,forgot to post it before now,
BUT as Cardiff had 2 players, McGuiness & Flint, I must say performance gave me
the Malt & Barley Blues. Still, it won't matter When I'm Dead & Gone.....