For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
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Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

969 views - only 8 since yesterday, what's going on??
Anyway, some good news mirth fans; I overslept this morning & missed today's Tony Blackburn Show. :o
So here instead are some golden oldies, retrieved from the last Joke Fred, before the website crashed.
2 Yanks knocked on my door, with suits & crew cuts; they asked me if I ever ate brown bread;
they were Hovis Witnesses. :)
I took my goldfish to the vet, because I thought it had epilepsy;
the vet said, "Well, it looks OK to me."
I said, "Hang on - I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
:P
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Once more, it's that day of the week you all forward to ("dread," shurely - ed.)
- the day of The Tony Blackburn Show. Here is the pick of today's ribbed ticklers.
I hired a luxury car, but the driver didn't show up; all that money spent, and nothing to chauffeur it. :D
And there's more ("M'sieur, you are really spoiling us")
My wife said, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I said, "To be honest, I didn't even know he could play cricket."
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I trod on a bunch of grapes.
It didn't make much noise, just gave a little whine.
:roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Heard on the radio this morning that today is Global Belly Laugh Day
(who gets to decide these things?? :roll: )
so here is a belly laugh:
Julie Andrews came round my house once.
I offered her a cup of tea, and said "Milk?" "Yes please." "Sugar?" "Just a spoonful."
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've invented the cold-air balloon.....but I'm not sure if it'll take off. :geek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

R.I.P. Barry Cryer, one of the greats of British comedy over the last 50+ years.
Here is one of his best jokes.
A woman sees a parrot in a pet shop window, and goes in to ask how.
"£20," says the assistant. "That's cheap," she says-
to which the assistant says, "Yes, he used to work in a brothel."
So she buys the parrot & takes him home.
Once there, he has a look around & says,"What a lovely room."
Then the woman's daughter walks in & the parrot says, "What a lovely girl."
Then the woman's husband walks in, and the parrot says, "Hello, Keith."
:oops:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

A very Happy Birthday to that leg end of comedy, and this Fred's spiritual inspiration -
Tony Blackburn is a Poptastic 79 today!! :P
And here, to celebrate, is a sensational selection of the top gags from his Radio 2 show this morning.

I sent Tony a boomerang as a birthday present; I hope it'll give him many happy returns. :)
I asked him to play "Bus Stop," by The Hollies; it was a request bus stop. :D
I planted some spring bulbs recently, but they're not doing too well -
they haven't grown hyacinth last week.
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Funniest thing I heard all weekend was BBC Radio Berkshire's commentary on the Real Hoops v Phony Hoops game.
The 3 commentators are all pro-Reading, 2 of them are ex-players.
Here's a selection of their finest.....
1st half: Pathetic - a shambles - I'm pulling me hair out - an absolute mess - it's just been awful, this 1st half - lack of heart, lack of belief :D
2nd half: Goodness gracious me, I think we've had enough - it could even be a lot worse than 4-nil - Reading are absolutely clueless - Its looking pretty gloomy for Reading - QPR are just sitting back now - the only positive thing is that it's only 4-nil - could've been 8 or 9 -
Reading's man of the match was their goalie. :lol: :lol:

Saving the best for last, after the match their manager said, "We played some good football in between the goals."
:lol: :lol: :lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've just bought 2 dogs, Rolex & Timex.
They're watchdogs.
:ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1514
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Went to see the Polish Pink Floyd tribute band.
They're cheaper than the real thing, and do The Wall in half the time! :D
Speaking of rock bands, what if they went into grocery when they retired;
you'd have Chrissie Hynde's baked beans, Ali Campbell's soups, Kraftwerk cheese slices..... :shock:

btw, put a joke up on this thread, and win £5!!
*
Last edited by steveqpr881 on Tue Feb 08, 2022 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
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