Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

They say everyone needs a hobby, so I've taken up meditation.
Well, it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

[steveqpr881]

Must admit, I'm a bit of a prude.
If I see any innuendo in a joke, I whip it out immediately

I opened my water & electricity bills at the same time; I certainly got a shock!

Top Tip:
Ladies, if your man says he'll do something, he'll do it;
there's no need to keep reminding him every 6 months.

[steveqpr881]

Times were tough when I was a kid; Mum worked in a nail shop, Dad was a chiropodist.
We always lived from hand to mouth.
I never had new clothes, always got my stuff form the Army & Navy store.
It was no fun going to school in the full dress uniform of a Japanese admiral!

Interesting Fact:
When Charles 1 started his reign, he was 5 foot 8;
when his reign ended, he was 5 foot 1.

[steveqpr881]

I went to the National Toupee Awards last night.
All the bigwigs were there.

Thought For The Day:
Paradoxes are funny things - you can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

[steveqpr881]

Just bought a cross-breed dog from a magician; it's a Labrcadabra.

Top Tip:
Want to look 10 years younger?
Take your glasses off before you look in the mirror.

Don't you just hate it when people answer their own questions?
I do!!

[steveqpr881]

If anybody needs a lesson in double entendre, I'd be happy to give you one

[steveqpr881]

Has anybody seen my 'Gone In 60 Seconds' dvd?
It was here a minute ago.

[steveqpr881]

My clock business hasn't been doing very well, I've had to wind it up.
On a more positive note (it couldn't get any worse - ed.) I've been writing a book about
clocks & watches, it's taken me years but it's out next week. It's about time.

And the welcome return of an old favourite - The Burning Issue.
Today we ask - forcing rhubarb, should it be outlawed??

[steveqpr881]

I failed the magician's exam. They were all trick questions.

The wife kept nagging me, for doing an impression of a flamingo;
well, I had to put my foot down!

Thought For The Day:
Is chewing your nails cannibalism??

[steveqpr881]

I've just been diagnosed as having a fear of giants;
or to use the medical term, Feefifobia.

Some things that didn't exist 20 years ago:-
Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, You Tube, Uber, Spotify......and Man City fans.

Thought For The Day:
Dog grooming - should the RSPCA do something about it??