For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've just started working for a company that makes oversized baths & sinks -
is it OK if I get a large plug for it??
;)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I bought a Motown chest of drawers.
But it's not much use, it only holds 4 tops. :?

Newsflash: A police dog has gone missing. They have no leads
. :roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Just bought a belt made of £50 notes - it's a complete waiste of money! :)

I've got a joke about oil, but it's a bit crude...I'll try to be more refined.
:)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

What about this cold spell we're having at the moment?
I just tried to scrape the ice off my car windscreen with my discount card; but I only got 20% off. :?

Top Tip:
If you're trying to lift a heavy object, do it in the daytime not at hight;
it'll be lighter then.
8-)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I caught my neighbour stealing my socks off of the washing line.
I was going to confront him, but I got cold feet.
:?
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I went to see my GP because I had trouble with my balance.
He said, "Have you got vertigo?" I said, "No, I only live down the road."

I get very excited when I see the end of a biro;
it's all that pen top emotion.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've heard a rumour about margerine, but I don't want to spread it..... :?
watched an Aussie TV cooking show, somebody made a meringue & the audience clapped -
as it was Australia, I thought they'd boo meringues??
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

As today is Burns Night, I thought I'd celebrate with this ribbed tickler.
JD was out for a walk with his good lady wife Alison.
As they passed a luxury restaurant, she said "Oh, that smells divine."
So JD said, " OK, I'm going to spoil you."
And he turned around, and walked her past the restaurant again.
8-)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

2 slices of bread got married; all went well, until someone wanted to toast the bride & groom. :?

I was in a restaurant yesterday, and the waiter came up to the table holding a flag & a pistol.
Which was odd, because I hadn't ordered a starter.
:roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Wishing a very Happy Birthday to this thread's spiritual guru*, Tony Blackburn - 81 today!
(*- that's where the majority of the jokes come from)
And here to celebrate is a selection of the finest ribbed ticklers from his weekend shows:
I sent my hearing aids off to be repaired; it's been 3 weeks now & I haven't heard a thing. :?
My pet goose can read all of the government's information; he's a proper gander.
:D
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