For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

So here it is, Merry Christmas everybody's having fun......
they won't be, once I've opened today's door on.......The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Just opened a Xmas card, and a load of rice fell out. It was from Uncle Ben. :D
I bought a Xmas jumper, but it was full of static; so I took it back & had it replaced, free of charge.
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

It was the office Xmas party yesterday and yes, there were crackers.
So just for today, let's bring back an old favourite (I get nervous whenever you say that - ed.)
it's The Christmas Cracker of Doom!
What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws :shock:
What kind of pet did Aladin have? A flying car-pet :?
What do you serve but never eat? A tennis ball :o
What has 8 arms & tells the time? A clocktopus :(
What did baby corn say to mummy corn? Where's pop corn?.
:oops:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

OK, back to normal today (you don't know the meaning of the word - ed.)
as we chuck the crackers in the recycling (where the jokes belong - ed.)
and once more open the door on The Advent Calendar of DOOOOOOOOM.
My kid's in the nativity play, but I can't make it.
So I rang the school & asked if I could watch it online, but they said -
"Sorry, there's no Zoom at the inn." :P
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Once again, we open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Well, that's the wife's Xmas present sorted!
I bought her some new beads for her abacus;
it's the little things that count. :D

And a Christmas-themed Thought For The Day:
If alcohol can damage your short-term memory, imagine the harm that alcohol can do. :shock:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Time to open Tuesday's door on.......The Advent Calendar of Doom.
I was talking to a vegan friend; he said he won't wear a Christmas jumper, because
it takes 2 sheep to make. I said I didn't know sheep could knit. :?

I saw some chess players in a hotel lobby; they were all talking about how good they
are at the game (bear with me, there's a Chrismassy punchline).
There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Christmas is a good time for films on the telly, and favourite is Groundhog Day.
If I could watch one film over & over, it'd be Groundhog Day. ;)

And we open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
It was Xmas Eve on the Death Star. Darth Vader said to the emperor,
"I know what you've got for Xmas......I felt your presents.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Time once more to open the door on......The Advent Calendar Of Doom.
My mate fell out with his girlfriend when he told her what he'd bought her for Xmas;
she's a vegan & she said she'd never wear a coat made out of animal skin.
He had to explain, that's not what a donkey jacket is.
:roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

One more opening of The Christmas Cracker of Doom;
I got this out of a cracker on Xmas Day, sent it to Tony Blackburn & he said it on his
Boxing Day show; with a name-check for yours truly.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A:Because he had the drumsticks.
:ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Top Tip for the sales - magic carpets.
They're flying off the shelves!
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1435
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Strictly speaking, the 12 Days of Christmas aren't quite over yet, so let's open
another door on The Advent Calendar of Doom (Must we?? - ed.)
I bought my nephew 3 socks for Xmas.....his mum said he'd grown another foot this year. :?
And I bought my pal some opticians' vouchers, so he could see in the New Year. :roll:
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