For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Time to open Tuesday's door on.......The Advent Calendar of Doom.
I was talking to a vegan friend; he said he won't wear a Christmas jumper, because
it takes 2 sheep to make. I said I didn't know sheep could knit. :?

I saw some chess players in a hotel lobby; they were all talking about how good they
are at the game (bear with me, there's a Chrismassy punchline).
There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Christmas is a good time for films on the telly, and favourite is Groundhog Day.
If I could watch one film over & over, it'd be Groundhog Day. ;)

And we open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
It was Xmas Eve on the Death Star. Darth Vader said to the emperor,
"I know what you've got for Xmas......I felt your presents.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Time once more to open the door on......The Advent Calendar Of Doom.
My mate fell out with his girlfriend when he told her what he'd bought her for Xmas;
she's a vegan & she said she'd never wear a coat made out of animal skin.
He had to explain, that's not what a donkey jacket is.
:roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

One more opening of The Christmas Cracker of Doom;
I got this out of a cracker on Xmas Day, sent it to Tony Blackburn & he said it on his
Boxing Day show; with a name-check for yours truly.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A:Because he had the drumsticks.
:ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Top Tip for the sales - magic carpets.
They're flying off the shelves!
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Strictly speaking, the 12 Days of Christmas aren't quite over yet, so let's open
another door on The Advent Calendar of Doom (Must we?? - ed.)
I bought my nephew 3 socks for Xmas.....his mum said he'd grown another foot this year. :?
And I bought my pal some opticians' vouchers, so he could see in the New Year. :roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Speaking of the new year, of course it's a time for resolutions.
My resolution is to stop using spray deodorant - roll on the new year!!
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Still on the Xmas-related theme......
a friend of mine keeps giving me colanders as birthday/Xmas presents;
it's putting a strain on our friendship. :?
:)
Thought For The Day: One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

A mummy has been found in Egypt, covered in chocolate & crushed nuts.
It's The Pharaoh Rocher.
:oops:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1645
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I've ordered a chicken & an egg online; I'll let you know which came first. :roll:

My neighbour took me to court for stealing his windows; I've been framed. :o

And a man who sued BA for misplacing his luggage has, er..... lost his case.
:lol:
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