Once more, we open a new door on........The Advent Calendar of Doom
My local council has been criticised for only having decorations on the bottom half of all its Xmas trees.
the staff responsible have all been put on fir-low.
Not very good? OK, here's another -
After last year's Xmas meal, the wife asked me if I could clear the table;
it took a hell of a run-up, but I just about managed it!
Did anyone hear me on today's Jeremy Vine show?
Not the 1st time I've been on it....when I talk, the world listens!
Anyway, time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
This is the season of office parties, which reminds me - at last year's, when the meal was finished,
the waiter said, "Do you wanna box for the leftovers?"
I said, "No, I'm not a violent man, you have 'em."
And the return of The Burning Question:
Die Hard - IS it a Christmas film??
Time to look behind the door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
I bought a book on DIY surgery as a Xmas present for a friend.
But when I got it home, the appendix had been removed.
They say a dog's for life, not just for Christmas; reminds me of the time I
bought a dog from a blacksmith;as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
And yet again, we open the door on........The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Just bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.
It's not her main present, just a stocking filler.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.......
time to to pen today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
I'm going to buy my 5 year old son a 21amp bulb for Xmas -
I can't wait to see his little face light up.
Oh I wish it could be Christmas, every day.......
And once more we open the door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
Best present I had last year was a DIY mime kit - I was literally speechless.
So here it is, Merry Christmas everybody's having fun......
they won't be, once I've opened today's door on.......The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Just opened a Xmas card, and a load of rice fell out. It was from Uncle Ben.
I bought a Xmas jumper, but it was full of static; so I took it back & had it replaced, free of charge.
It was the office Xmas party yesterday and yes, there were crackers.
So just for today, let's bring back an old favourite (I get nervous whenever you say that - ed.)
it's The Christmas Cracker of Doom!
What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws
What kind of pet did Aladin have? A flying car-pet
What do you serve but never eat? A tennis ball
What has 8 arms & tells the time? A clocktopus
What did baby corn say to mummy corn? Where's pop corn?.
OK, back to normal today (you don't know the meaning of the word - ed.)
as we chuck the crackers in the recycling (where the jokes belong - ed.)
and once more open the door on The Advent Calendar of DOOOOOOOOM.
My kid's in the nativity play, but I can't make it.
So I rang the school & asked if I could watch it online, but they said -
"Sorry, there's no Zoom at the inn."
Once again, we open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Well, that's the wife's Xmas present sorted!
I bought her some new beads for her abacus;
it's the little things that count.
And a Christmas-themed Thought For The Day:
If alcohol can damage your short-term memory, imagine the harm that alcohol can do.
