Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

My friend was so shocked when he won the Lottery, fell into a vat of wet concrete!
Well, at least he's set for life.....

And today's Burning Question:
Why did kamikaze pilots wear crash helmets??

[steveqpr881]

My dear old Nan just had a stair lift fitted; but she doesn't like it, says it
drives her up the wall. I offered to have a look at it, see if I could do anything -
she said she might take me up on it.

And today's Burning Question:
Why do people point at their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point
to their bum when asking where the toilet is??

[steveqpr881]

I asked my wife what women really want & she said a tent full of lovers.
Or perhaps it was an attentive lover - I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Just had a threatening letter from a company I buy a lot of spice from;
if I don't pay my bill, they'll call in the bay leafs.

The Burning Question:
If vegetable oil is made from vegetables, and corn oil is made from corn,
what is baby oil made from??

[steveqpr881]

Can I just offer a word of encouragement to anyone thinking of starting a perfume factory.
You know it makes scents.....

Interesting Fact:
Today is the 60th anniversary of the 1st Dr. Who episode.

[steveqpr881]

I'm in trouble with a friend; he lent me an audiobook, but I accidentally deleted the last chapter.
I'll never hear the end of it.

Today's Burning Question - and I must warn you, it's a controversial one.
The Jaffa Cake: is it a cake, or is it a biscuit??

[steveqpr881]

I saw an ad. for Yoga lessons. £100 a time, but I thought - I can stretch to that.

We say goodbye to the Burning Question for now but don't worry, it'll soon be time for
The Advent Calendar of Doom.......

[steveqpr881]

Well, it's the 1st day of December - a pinch & a punch etc - & the festive season is well & truly underway;
Felice Navidad, as Josie Felicitano used to say. Haven't heard from her for years, wonder what's she's up to these days??
Anyway, as promised (don't you mean threatened? - ed.) I'm opening the first door on.....
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM with this festive and appropriate joke:
Did you hear about the shoplifter who nicked an advent calendar? He got 25 days.

[steveqpr881]

Bumped into an old pal, he said he'd got a new job in a bowling alley.
I said, "Ten pin?" He replied, "no, it's permanent."

And time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
I was putting my Xmas tree up yesterday, and I swallowed some of the ornaments.
Now I've got a sore throat - I think it's tinsellitus.

[steveqpr881]

Tony Blackburn told one of my Christmas crackers on Sunday, and here it is,
behind today's door on.........The Advent Calendar of Dooooom
How did Good king Wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even.
Just think, that joke is over 2,00 years old!

[steveqpr881]

Time once more to open a door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
My kids keep laughing at my poor memory;
well, they won't be laughing on Christmas Day, when there are no eggs under the bonfire.

And the welcome return of QPR Rhyming Slang:
Frank Saul - Lynsey de Paul.