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steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

It's back - bigger & better than before!
The fred they couldn't kill.
Back because YOU demanded it, mirth fans.
Since the old m/board went down, I've been swamped with literally hundreds of e-mails - well, a couple.
OK, I'll be honest, none at all. Not a sausage.
But they all said the same thing - life's just not the same without a daily ribbed tickler.
So off we go, 3rd time lucky & let's see how long it takes us to get back up to 200,000+ views.
This is how it all started -
My friend Marge is ill. In fact she's been ill so long, she's thinking of changing her name to
"I can't believe I'm not better."

We just had Hallowen & I went to a Glen Campbell-themed fancy dress party;
I didn't know whether to go as a witch or tall linesman. :D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

OK, I've got quite a backlog to clear, several weeks' worth of Tony Blackburn Shows
("you think them up all yourself, shurely??" - legions of adoring fans),
so here's a bonus joke:
I went to see my GP, I said "I think I'm a moth."
The doc said, "Well, I cant help you, see the psychiatrist next door."
I said "I know, I was on my way there, I only popped in here because the light was on." :(
And the woman from the Ferrero Rocher ad said........
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Hang on a minute - only 11 views??
& some of them'll be me.
"private message for kerrins" has got more - it's outrageous!!! :twisted:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

OK, that's enough Tommy Cooper jokes, normal (?) service will be resumed tomorrow, after the Tony Blackburn Show. :D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »


Hey, I've discovered how to get colour for my messages. We're back to blue. 8-)

Has anyone seen my pack of giant playing cards?
If you haven't, it's no big deal.

Heard about the contortionist who can bend his body into the shape of a pair of glasses?
He just loves to make a spectacle of himself.

I've been told it's illegal to drive without headlights when it's raining in Sweden.
Which is a problem - how do you what the weather's like in Sweden?? :shock:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Wasn't the Saudi grand prix exciting!
It reminded me, how many people in F1 have a Scottish place as part of their name;
there's Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine, Stirling Moss-
and of course, Ayr Town Centre.
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I see we've finally passed "message for kerrins" in terms of number of views; on to 200,000 now......

Anyway, Christmas is almost upon us, so it's time once to open (sound effect - creaky door opening)
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOOOOOM. :o

What about this petrol shortage? Chris Rea's started walking home for Christmas!
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I rang Camiila, to invite her to my Xmas party.
She said, "Shall I bring Charlie?"
I said, "Bring what you like, as long as you leave the Prince of Wales at home." :D

Time once more to open another door on THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.
I think my Xmas tree lights are in a union; one goes out, they all go out.
Hear about the shoplifter who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
:D

And the welcome return of an old favourite - QPR rhyming slang.
Sean Derry - Bryan Ferry.
Steve Wicks - Stevie Nicks.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

162 views - this is the 2nd most popular fred, after "QPR Birthdays;" onwards & upwards to 200,000

Anyway (sings) It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.....even my local Italian restaurant has gone festive.
They're doing a King Wenceslas pizza; deep pan, crisp and even. :)
So time to open today's door on......THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOOOOM.
(I've opened all the doors, to improve ventilation)
The Yorkshire council that only decorated the bottom half of its Xmas tree has punished the staff responsible -
They've all been put on fir-low. :D

QPR rhyming slang:
Tony Currie - Bill Murray
Steve Russell - Darcy Bussell.

And finally, Ronnie, a Thought For The Day:
I see why icy is so easy to spell (think about it.....)
;)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1610
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

We're still behind the Birfdays fred for views....
Anyway, I went to the office Xmas party last night.
At the end of the meal, the waiter said "Do you wanna box for the left-overs?"
I said, "No, I'm not a violent man - you have 'em." :D
Time once more to open a door on THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.
After dinner last Xmas, the wife asked if I could clear the table.
It took a hell of a run-up, but I just about managed it. :D :D

We won't be hearing from Dubliner for a while, he's not well.
When he was putting his tree up he swallowed some decorations,
now he's suffering from tinsellitus. :oops:

Interesting fact: upside down, the word gullible looks like a fish.
And some QPR rhyming slang:
Clint Hill - Buffalo Bill.
Alec Stock - Mr. Spock. Fascinating.....
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