Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Went to a restaurant with my G.P. yesterday.
The waiter mixed up our orders, but I'm not complaining about the meal I had -
it was just what the doctor ordered!

And today is International Jazz Day........nice.

[steveqpr881]

Have you noticed how a lot of French words are creeping into use?
There's ordeuvres - and that's just for starters.

[steveqpr881]

I burnt my Hawaiin pizza - should have cooked it at Aloha temperature.

[steveqpr881]

I was planning to do a charity abseil down the side of my local hospital,
but I was advised not to, on medical grounds.

I can find a publisher for my autobiography......that's the story of my life!

[steveqpr881]

I asked the librarian if they had any books on Pavlov's Dog, or Schrodinger's Cat.
He said, "That rings a bell, but I won't know until I've looked, if it's in our out."

Interesting Fact:
Max Anderson's goal for Crawley Town at the weekend was the 800,000th goal scored in English league football, since it began in 1888.
And a not-so-interesting fact: Today is National Crepe Suzette Day.

[steveqpr881]

What do you call very small car fixers?
Quantum mechanics.

[steveqpr881]

On this special day, the 80th Anniversary of V-E Day, I can't help but remember my dear old granddad,
who was the first man off the landing crafts on D-Day.
Sadly, the MPs caught him, put him back on & made him go to Normandy.

Then, on the other side of the family, my uncle brought down 11 German fighters in the Battle of Britain!
The Luftwaffe said he was the worst mechanic they'd ever had.

[steveqpr881]

I was disqualified from the nose-wiping competition - I can't believe I blew it

Interesting Fact:
The Aztec word for gold translates as 'excrement of the gods.'

Morgan Fox - Professor Brian Cox.

[steveqpr881]

My friend in Sweden has been sacked from his job in a warehouse.
He kept taking stock home......geddit??

I had to get rid of my pet centipede, it was costing me a fortune in shoes & socks

[steveqpr881]

Someone dumped 220 prawn cocktails on my drive - and that's just for starters.

I've built a bar in my roof - drinks are on the house!