Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Went to the allotment yesterday, and a bloke was pushing his wheelbarrow around in circles.
I thought - he's lost the plot.

Interesting Fact:
Boffins have invented the smallest-ever pasta - it's 200 times thinner than a human hair.
Dont ask me why.....

[steveqpr881]

Fellers - stuck for ideas as to what to buy the missus for Xmas?
Don't make the mistake I made once; when she asked for 'something with diamonds'
a deck of cards will NOT do!

[steveqpr881]

I was on a train, and a toddler in the next seat was going "Choo choo."
Didn't have the heart to tell him it was an electric train, not steam.....
but I did anyway.

Interesting Fact:
There is a colony of scorpions on the Isle of Sheppey!
They've been there for 200 years, originally brought over on ships from Italy.

[steveqpr881]

I once worked as a human mannequin in a clothes shop; a position I held for a long time.

And just to give you all fair warning; as Sunday is December 1st, it'll soon be time for the
Advent Calendar of Doom!

[steveqpr881]

I applied for a job in a sandwich bar, but I got an email saying the roll had been filled.....

Interesting Fact:
The World's Smallest & Tallest women met recently.
Jyoti Amge is just 2' 1" & Rumeysa Gdgi is 7' 11" !!

[Kerrins]

Old Joke but always seems to remain topical(and in my personal view somewhat true)........
stop me if you have heard it before

Question. What is the definition of an Economist?
Answer. A person who knows everything but can predict nothing.

[steveqpr881]

I made myself an abacus out of Polo mints;
it helps with my menthol arithmetic.

[steveqpr881]

As previously mentioned, as we're now in December it's time to once more
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.

Todays Christmas Classic is about the famous Xmas song, "Little Drummer Boy," by Bing Crosbie & David Bowie.
When Bowie arrived at the studio to record the song, he noticed that Bing looked upset.
He said, "Hello Bing, what's up?"
"Well Dave," replied the old crooner, "My inflatable ass has sprung a leak."
Bowie replied, "Never mind, Bing - you can use my rubber bum pump."
"Rubber bum pump?" said Bing;
"Rubber bum pump," said Bowie.
All together now, rubber bum pump, rubber bum pump

[steveqpr881]

The winner of the Turner Prize is announced today; it's also the 40th anniversary.
Thought For The Day: Why did Tina Turner never win??

Anyway, time to open today's door on.......
The Advent Calendar of Doooooom.
Men - if you ask the missus what she wants for Xmas and she says 'Something with diamonds,'
a pack of cards will not do!

[steveqpr881]

Hear about the shoplifter who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!