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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Time to once more channel the late Cyril Fletcher off of 'That's Life,'
smooth down my velvet smoking jacket (get on with it! - ed.),
turn to camera & simper, "I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka
dannyboyurs off the old offy m/b, who posted this on Facebook yesterday
- if you acknowledge your 'sauce,' as QBP used to say, then it's not plagiarism
(it'd better be worth it, after this build-up - ed.)
I've just ordered a book off Amazon, "How Not To Be Ripped Off." Only £150!!
And,as it's National Poetry Day, here to celebrate is a poem what I have wrote specially:
I opened my fridge
And what did I see?
My pet budgie
Smiling at me.
I thank you.
smooth down my velvet smoking jacket (get on with it! - ed.),
turn to camera & simper, "I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka
dannyboyurs off the old offy m/b, who posted this on Facebook yesterday
- if you acknowledge your 'sauce,' as QBP used to say, then it's not plagiarism
(it'd better be worth it, after this build-up - ed.)
I've just ordered a book off Amazon, "How Not To Be Ripped Off." Only £150!!
And,as it's National Poetry Day, here to celebrate is a poem what I have wrote specially:
I opened my fridge
And what did I see?
My pet budgie
Smiling at me.
I thank you.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
The wife said I was very immature.....so I've banned her from my tree house.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Just bought a deep fat fryer. I put £20 notes in it & cover them in batter.
You might say, I'm frittering my money away......
You might say, I'm frittering my money away......
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I've been offered a job at the local dried fruit shop;
just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates.
John Beck - Ant & Dec.
just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates.
John Beck - Ant & Dec.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I'm having a bit of a clear-out; got a kite for sale, no strings attached.
Or how about a glove puppet - will someone take it off my hands??
Or how about a glove puppet - will someone take it off my hands??
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Got a backlog of Easter jokes, courtesy of Tony Blackburn
I stepped on a hot cross bun & got an electric shock - a currant ran up my leg.
Went to the doctor, I said I feel like a chocolate Easter bunny;
he said how do you mean? I said hollow inside.
Interesting Fact:
Soul singer Marvin Gaye was born on this day in 1939;
he played drums on Motown's 1st US No. 1, 'Please Mr. Postman,' by The Marvelettes.
And a bonus Interesting Fact (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
The weekend's Chelsea v Burnley game had 51 shots; only 1 Premiership game has had more,
52 in QPR v Leicester, November 2014
I stepped on a hot cross bun & got an electric shock - a currant ran up my leg.
Went to the doctor, I said I feel like a chocolate Easter bunny;
he said how do you mean? I said hollow inside.
Interesting Fact:
Soul singer Marvin Gaye was born on this day in 1939;
he played drums on Motown's 1st US No. 1, 'Please Mr. Postman,' by The Marvelettes.
And a bonus Interesting Fact (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
The weekend's Chelsea v Burnley game had 51 shots; only 1 Premiership game has had more,
52 in QPR v Leicester, November 2014
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Told my interior decorator, I didn't want any carpet on the staircase;
he just gave me a blank stare.
he just gave me a blank stare.
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
The local McDonalds was broken into twice.
Police have caught the culprit, a double cheeseburglar.
Interesting Fact:
Saturday was the 50th anniversary of ABBA winning Eurovision, with Waterloo;
the UK judges gave it nil points, even though we won the battle of Waterloo!
Thought For The Day:
Do penguins have a chocolate bar called Human??
Police have caught the culprit, a double cheeseburglar.
Interesting Fact:
Saturday was the 50th anniversary of ABBA winning Eurovision, with Waterloo;
the UK judges gave it nil points, even though we won the battle of Waterloo!
Thought For The Day:
Do penguins have a chocolate bar called Human??
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
Just bumped into a bloke I haven't seen for years - he once sold me a miniature globe.
It's a small world......
It's a small world......
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- Posts: 1567
- Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
- Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road
Re: Joke Thread 3.0
I woke up, and my moustache was gone!
It was stolen right from underneath my nose.
It was stolen right from underneath my nose.