Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I wanted to watch a TV documentary about origami.......but it was on Paperview.

Interesting Fact:
Adolphe Saxe was born on this day in 1814.
He invented the saxophone of course, and today is Saxophone Day!

There's one other person who had a musical instrument named after him - does anybody know who??
(there's nowt to be won, it's just a bit of fun)

[steveqpr881]

Someone stole all the grass from my garden.......now all the birds are looking forlorn

Tony Blackburn told this on today's show, but as usual he didn't give me credit for it.
I'm sure he reads this fred for inspiration!

Anyway, here's one I got from him; and I always give credit, so that it's not plagiarism
I sat in a bath-full of baked beans yesterday, for Children In Need.
But I didn't raise any money......I forgot to tell anyone about it.

[steveqpr881]

As previously mentioned, as we're now in December it's time to once more
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.

Todays Christmas Classic is about the famous Xmas song, "Little Drummer Boy," by Bing Crosbie & David Bowie.
When Bowie arrived at the studio to record the song, he noticed that Bing looked upset.
He said, "Hello Bing, what's up?"
"Well Dave," replied the old crooner, "My inflatable ass has sprung a leak."
Bowie replied, "Never mind, Bing - you can use my rubber bum pump."
"Rubber bum pump?" said Bing;
"Rubber bum pump," said Bowie.
All together now, rubber bum pump, rubber bum pump

[steveqpr881]

What about this storm we've got at the moment?!
It's so windy, a chicken laid the same egg twice!!

And time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
Last year, somebody gave me a book on DIY surgery;
when I opened it, the appendix had been taken out!!

[steveqpr881]

Time to open yet another door on..........
(special effects: door creaking open) THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.
Fed up with turkey for Christmas? Why not try a Good King Wenceslas pizza -
deep pan, crisp & even!

Gordon Macy - Gavin & Stacey.

[steveqpr881]

Interesting Fact:
Today is National Panto Day. Altogether now, Oh no it isn't!

And we look behind yet another door on the Advent Calendar of Doom:
Went to the office Xmas party yesterday, when the meal was over, the waiter said,
"D'you wanna box for the left-overs?"
I said, "No, I'm not a violent man, you have them."

Don Shanks - Jeff Banks.

[steveqpr881]

2 of my Christmas crackers were told on this morning's Tony Blackburn Show -
the tinsellitus & Good King Wenceslas pizza jokes.
But as ususal, not a word of credit for me

What, I hear you ask, is behind today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom??
The worst Xmas present I have ever had was a packet of sticky playing cards.
I just couldn't deal with it.

[steveqpr881]

The welcome return of an old favourite - (it may be old, but it's no-one's favourite - ed.)
The Burning Question.
Today we ask - Die Hard - IS it a Christmas film??

While you're pondering that ( I love a good ponder - ed.)
it's time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Just opened a Christmas card, and a load of rice fell out!
It was from Uncle Ben.

[steveqpr881]

My 'sticky playing cards' joke was read out on this morning's Tony Blackburn Show;
as usual, not a word of credit.
Anyway, time to open today's door (don't worry, not many left - ed.) on
(creaking noise) The Advent Calendar of Doooom!
Speaking of Darth Vader (see Friday's door), it was Christmas Eve on the Death Star
and Darth Vader said to the evil emperor, "I know what you've got for Xmas, oh lord -
I felt your presents."

[steveqpr881]

Man U fans - fancy a short break? You can't beat Bournemouth!

And for the penultimate time this year (I'll hold you to that - ed.)
we open the door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.

What did one snowman say to another?
Do you smell carrot??

And a newsflash: Glitter has been banned this Xmas!
Well, it's been on the cards for years.