I was a Poll Clerk at yesterday's General Election (trousered £255, so at least Sunak did one thing for me )
on the day, we had some voters with famous names, such as Alan Hudson, and Martin Allen!
Mind you, neither of them were the ex-footballers of the same name.
Anyway, back to the ribbed ticklers:
I was arrested as I left an art gallery
Don't why, when I was inside, I asked security if it was OK to take a few pictures....
I bought the wife a new fridge.
I could tell she liked it, because every time she opened the door, her face lit up.
Anybody hear this morning's Tony Blackburn Show??
He told one of my ribbed ticklers! And here it is:
I've got a new dentist, and he made a mould of my teeth.
Then he threw it away, as it wasn't much good.
Talk about making a bad first impression.
And to celebrate, a bonus joke:
Next week, I'm going to dress up as a different type of bread every day.
Roll on Monday!
Time to once more channel the spirit of the late Cyril Fletcher (off of That's Life), smooth down my velvet
smoking jacket (oh, get on with it - ed.), turn to the camera, simper and say,
"I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka dannyboyurs off the old offy MB, for this ribbed tickler*"
I went to a flea market....all I got was a nervous tic.
*-it's not plagiarsm if you acnowledge your 'sauce'
If you listen to the Tony Blackburn Show, you'll know I'm a regular contributor.
So much so that I really think they should call it the Tony Blackburn & Steve Masters Show
(I'm modest like that, I don't want top billing.)
Well today, Tony read out another one of my ribbed ticklers.And here it is.
I said, Tony, would you please play a song for my imaginary girlfriend.
She'll be totally made up.
My dad always used to say pints, gallons. Which I think speaks volumes.
I've been taking salsa lessons for weeks, but it's not going well;
it's just one step forwards, 2 steps backwards.
Here's a Well I Never that will make your jaws drop. From yesterday's Metro:
A player in Peru was caught short at the worst possible time and got sent off for urinating beside the pitch
during a brief break in play.
The incident occurred in the 2nd half of Atletico Awajun's clash with Cantorcillo FC, Sebastian Munoz taking the opportunity
to enjoy a leak by the corner flag, as the Cantorcillo keeper received medical treatment.
Right, here's an absolute cracker, when I heard it on the Tony Blackburn Show this morning, I laughed out loud:
I took my new girlfriend out last night & she asked me if I had any pets. I said, "Yes - a goldfish."
She said, "Any hobbies?" "Well," I said - "He likes swimming."
With the recent death of Chris Searle, it's only fitting to hand this fred over to his former colleague,
Cyril Fletcher, to say "I am indebted to the obituary of Tito Jackson* in the latest Private Eye,
for this ribbed tickler: His cause of death was said to be heart failure, but personally, I blame it on the boogie.
Esther......."
I've won an award, for being secretive.
I can't tell you what it means to me....
Interesting Fact:
Before Sean Connery got the role, various people mooted to play James Bond include
Peter Purves, Peter Snow, Michael Gambon, Sir Ranulph Fiennes, Lord Lucan
& Dick Van Dyke - who said to Cubby Broccoli - "Have you heard my English accent?"
Just got a new job, in the lifebelt factory.
The pay's not much, but at least I can keep my head above water......
Interesting Fact:
They youngest ever winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature was Rudyard Kipling, at the age of just 41.
Well I never!
He also baked exceedingly good cakes, as well as writing Telly Savalas' No. 1 song, " If. " (are you sure?? - ed.)
)
