Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Went to see my GP, I said "When I touch my knee it hurts, when I touch my elbow it hurts,
when I touch my head it hurts." The quack said, "I know what's wrong with you.....
you've got a broken finger."

[steveqpr881]

Q: What's a butcher's favourite band?
A: The Four Chops.

[steveqpr881]

I've turned my push-bike into an e-bike, by attaching the motor from a washing machine.
I'm taking it for a spin tomorrow.

[steveqpr881]

We say goodbye to an old favourite today, as this is the last U.S. town with an odd name I know of:
there is a town in America called No Name. Reminds me of the song by America, Horse With No Name.
But we say hello to a new feature- favourite bands. Going back to the Four Chops being a butcher's favourite band,
we ask - what was Alfred Hitchcock's favourite band? The Birds!

[steveqpr881]

Why is NASA having so much trouble launching it's latest moon probe?
I mean to say - it's not rocket science.

I hired a limo, but it turned up without a driver.
All that money spent, and nothing to chauffeur it....

[steveqpr881]

Bono & The Edge walk into a pub.
The barman says, "Oh no, not you two again."

[steveqpr881]

I was walking down the road, when a man threw some milk, cream, butter & yoghurt at me.
I thought - "How dairy." Then he threw some cheddar at me, I thought - "that's not very mature."

Top Tip:
Kid everyone you've just run the London Marathon, by staggering around the West End
tomorrow afternoon,wearing running gear with a large number on the front, and 3 foot of bacofoil draped over your shoulders.

[steveqpr881]

King Charles (I originally typed Prince, old habits die hard) caused controversy
yesterday, when he visited Dunfermline. Animals rights groups complained about the
fox-fur hat he was wearing. When asked about it, he said," I was having breakfast with
Camilla this morning; she asked where I was off to and when I said 'Dunfermline,'
she said, "Wear the fox hat."

[steveqpr881]

I went to a Rapunzel-themed party; I really let my hair down.

Thought For The Day: Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels.

[steveqpr881]

According to a survey, 35% of people would sleep with their pet on the bed.
I tried that once, but the goldfish died.

QPR Rhyming Slang:
Neil Warnock - Mr. Spock