For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

What about this hot weather, eh?
I went to buy an ice cream, I asked the bloke for a 99 with all the trimmings.
He said, do you want a flake? I said yes please;
Strawberry sauce? Yes please;
Hundreds & thousands? Yes please;
Crushed nuts? I said no, I always walk like this.
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Well, I got fired from the building site.
Left my hi-vis jacket off, it was too hot.
What I don't get is, if I was so invisible without it, how come 6 blokes grassed me up,
when I chucked a brick through the windscreen of the gaffer's BMW afterwards??
I swear these rules are just there for the sake of it. :roll:

Anyway, I got a new job quick enough.
I'm a part-time acupuncturist; just doing it for the pin money.
:D
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

More plagiarism; Tony Blackburn told my "Norwegian Navy" joke on Saturday.
Now I think that was on the last joke thread, so here's a reminder:
Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their hulls?
So they can Scandinavian. (scan de navy in, geddit??) 8-)

I've set up a yachting business in my loft.
Sails have gone through the roof. :ugeek:

Top Tip:
Take yourself back to your teenage years, by shouting abuse at someone for 20 minutes,
then asking them for a lift somewhere.
:lol:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

....btw, have you noticed today's date?
25th of July.
Yes, that's right.....5 months to Christmas!!
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

When my local Tesco puts their reduced price tags on stuff, it's like feeding time at the zoo.
A disgraceful frenzy of greedy shoppers, after a bargain. :evil:
Only yesterday, I had to push an old lady to the floor, when she went for a reduced ready meal I had my eyes on. :roll:

Interesting Fact:
There's a note at the end of Sgt. Pepper's with a frequency of 20,000Hertz
that only dogs can hear.
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Vlad Putin went on holiday to Estonia a few years ago.
The immigration bloke didn't recognise him; the conversation went like this:
"Address?" "The Kremlin, Moscow."
"Occupation?" "No, I'm only here for a holiday."
8-)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I went shopping for some apples & oranges.
But when I got to the shop, they were all sold out.
It was a totally fruitless experience. :?

Thought for the day: Man landed on the moon before the suitcase on wheels was invented.
:geek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

OK, I admit I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel for the last few days,
but fear not, mirth fans - I've got a fresh batch of ribbed ticklers from this
morning's Tony Blackburn Show - er, which I made up myself :oops:
Like this one:
Seen the new Elvis film? I tried to buy tickets for it over the phone, but the
recorded message said, "Well it's a-1 for the money, 2 for the show..."

Speaking of TB & Elvis, I managed to get in the latest issue of Private Eye;
the other week, Tony B was talking about the film & he mentioned "Elvis's manager, Tom Parker-Bowles" :D :D
Check it out - Commentatorballs. Another one for my scrapbook
." :ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Told the wife I wanted to make a bike out of spaghetti.
She was baffled by the idea, so I had to run it pasta.
:geek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1487
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Went to buy a pair of camouflage trousers today...…
but I couldn't find a pair anywhere. :oops:

Thought For The Day:
What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8-)

And a brand new feature - The Burning Question.
In which we raise topics of great importance, that nobody else does.
Such as..... if smoking's so bad for you, how come it cures salmons??
:ugeek:
Post Reply