Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

I've taken up ballet lessons!
Tell you what, learning to pirouette certainly keeps you on your toes.

Drank a bottle of invisible ink, so I had to go to A & E;
took me hours to be seen.

[steveqpr881]

Yesterday's so-called Manchester - Derby game was a joke
(you've done this one to death - ed.)
Ok, what about this ribbed tickler:
A friend said he didn't understand cloning; I said that makes 2 of us.

[steveqpr881]

I keep forgetting to pay the rent on my allotment;
I think I'm losing the plot.

A friend of mine composes songs on a sewing machine!
He's a Singer songwriter.

And some QPR rhyming slang:
Marcus Bean - Barry Sheen.

[steveqpr881]

A friend suggested we change our names to pheasant & partridge;
I said - I'm game for that!

Paul Parker - Tarka (the otter)

[steveqpr881]

Was talking to a friend last night; he said his wife went out for some milk 2 weeks ago, and never came back!
I asked him how we was coping; he said, "Not too bad, I'm getting used to the powdered stuff."

[steveqpr881]

Just got a new job, as a scarecrow. I'm outstanding in my field.

I pulled a muscle when I picked up a pile of old magazines; now I've got back issues.

[steveqpr881]

I've just made a car out of washing machine parts; I'm taking it for a spin later.
Mind you, the council's just put a speed hump in my road; but I'm sure I'll get over it.

QPR RS: Paulo Di Canio - Jack de Manio.

[steveqpr881]

I slept like a log last night - woke up in the fireplace.
I got up wondering when the sun would rise; then it dawned on me.

Thought For The Day:
If, as the makers of Pringles tell us, 'Once you've popped you can't stop'
then why do their packets have re-sealable lids??

[steveqpr881]

The missus complained I was always walking in front of her.
I said, I'm sorry, I don't follow you.....

Steve Burke - Pauline Quirk.

[steveqpr881]

I've just invented a new game, Quiet Tennis;
it's like ordinary tennis, but without the racket.

A bloke in the pub was telling Motown jokes; I asked him if he knew any more, and he said
"Three...maybe four - tops."