It was the office Xmas party yesterday and yes, there were crackers.
So just for today, let's bring back an old favourite (I get nervous whenever you say that - ed.)
it's The Christmas Cracker of Doom!
What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws
What kind of pet did Aladin have? A flying car-pet
What do you serve but never eat? A tennis ball
What has 8 arms & tells the time? A clocktopus
What did baby corn say to mummy corn? Where's pop corn?.
OK, back to normal today (you don't know the meaning of the word - ed.)
as we chuck the crackers in the recycling (where the jokes belong - ed.)
and once more open the door on The Advent Calendar of DOOOOOOOOM.
My kid's in the nativity play, but I can't make it.
So I rang the school & asked if I could watch it online, but they said -
"Sorry, there's no Zoom at the inn."
Once again, we open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Well, that's the wife's Xmas present sorted!
I bought her some new beads for her abacus;
it's the little things that count.
And a Christmas-themed Thought For The Day:
If alcohol can damage your short-term memory, imagine the harm that alcohol can do.
Time to open Tuesday's door on.......The Advent Calendar of Doom.
I was talking to a vegan friend; he said he won't wear a Christmas jumper, because
it takes 2 sheep to make. I said I didn't know sheep could knit.
I saw some chess players in a hotel lobby; they were all talking about how good they
are at the game (bear with me, there's a Chrismassy punchline).
There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Christmas is a good time for films on the telly, and favourite is Groundhog Day.
If I could watch one film over & over, it'd be Groundhog Day.
And we open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom:
It was Xmas Eve on the Death Star. Darth Vader said to the emperor,
"I know what you've got for Xmas......I felt your presents.
Time once more to open the door on......The Advent Calendar Of Doom.
My mate fell out with his girlfriend when he told her what he'd bought her for Xmas;
she's a vegan & she said she'd never wear a coat made out of animal skin.
He had to explain, that's not what a donkey jacket is.
One more opening of The Christmas Cracker of Doom;
I got this out of a cracker on Xmas Day, sent it to Tony Blackburn & he said it on his
Boxing Day show; with a name-check for yours truly.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A:Because he had the drumsticks.
Strictly speaking, the 12 Days of Christmas aren't quite over yet, so let's open
another door on The Advent Calendar of Doom (Must we?? - ed.)
I bought my nephew 3 socks for Xmas.....his mum said he'd grown another foot this year.
And I bought my pal some opticians' vouchers, so he could see in the New Year.
