Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Time to open yet another door on..........
(special effects: door creaking open) THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.
Fed up with turkey for Christmas? Why not try a Good King Wenceslas pizza -
deep pan, crisp & even!

Gordon Macy - Gavin & Stacey.

[steveqpr881]

They say a dog is for life, not just for Xmas - which reminds me, I bought a dog from a blacksmith
I'd only had him home an hour, and he made a bolt for the door!

[steveqpr881]

Interesting Fact:
Today is National Panto Day. Altogether now, Oh no it isn't!

And we look behind yet another door on the Advent Calendar of Doom:
Went to the office Xmas party yesterday, when the meal was over, the waiter said,
"D'you wanna box for the left-overs?"
I said, "No, I'm not a violent man, you have them."

Don Shanks - Jeff Banks.

[steveqpr881]

2 of my Christmas crackers were told on this morning's Tony Blackburn Show -
the tinsellitus & Good King Wenceslas pizza jokes.
But as ususal, not a word of credit for me

What, I hear you ask, is behind today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom??
The worst Xmas present I have ever had was a packet of sticky playing cards.
I just couldn't deal with it.

[steveqpr881]

At last, some good news for insomniacs - only 4 more sleeps to Xmas!

Interesting fact:
Upside down, the word gullible looks like a fish.

[steveqpr881]

I went to the Club shop yesterday & bought a Guinness mash-up shirt -
it's very Marmite, but I love it. A snip at £49.99!

And what Christmas Comedy Classic lurks behind today's door on the Advent Calendar of Doom?
The kids keep laughing at my poor grasp of reality.......
well, they won't be laughing on Xmas Day, when there are no eggs under the bonfire

[steveqpr881]

The welcome return of an old favourite - (it may be old, but it's no-one's favourite - ed.)
The Burning Question.
Today we ask - Die Hard - IS it a Christmas film??

While you're pondering that ( I love a good ponder - ed.)
it's time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Just opened a Christmas card, and a load of rice fell out!
It was from Uncle Ben.

[steveqpr881]

Good news, mirth fans. I was at the office Xmas party yesterday, and there were crackers!
So here are the best jokes from therm......
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowman? She gave him the cold shoulder.
How does Darth Vader like his Xmas turkey? On the Dark Side.

[steveqpr881]

My 'sticky playing cards' joke was read out on this morning's Tony Blackburn Show;
as usual, not a word of credit.
Anyway, time to open today's door (don't worry, not many left - ed.) on
(creaking noise) The Advent Calendar of Doooom!
Speaking of Darth Vader (see Friday's door), it was Christmas Eve on the Death Star
and Darth Vader said to the evil emperor, "I know what you've got for Xmas, oh lord -
I felt your presents."

[steveqpr881]

Man U fans - fancy a short break? You can't beat Bournemouth!

And for the penultimate time this year (I'll hold you to that - ed.)
we open the door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.

What did one snowman say to another?
Do you smell carrot??

And a newsflash: Glitter has been banned this Xmas!
Well, it's been on the cards for years.