Just took my paintball exam - passed with flying colours!
Interesting Fact:
Sir Ian McKellan once married fellow actor Patrick Stewart (out of Star Trek)
No, not like that.....Sir Ian is an ordained minister, and he conducted Sir Patrick's wedding ceremony.
Well I never! Tea - Earl Grey - hot!!
Anybody see England v Slovenia last night??
No, me neither - I fell asleep after 10 minutes.
Are England the new QPR?? i.e., they struggle against the lesser sides......
Anyway, today's ribbed tickler to take away the blues:
When I was young, my mum used to bathe me in Australian lager.
It was quite a shock, when I found I'd been Fostered.
This morning, I woke up in a clown's outfit;
must have slept in a funny position.
Not very good? Ok, how about this one:
I've started my own business, removing chewing gum from pavements.
It's early days, I'm just getting it off the ground.
Here's a topical one:
the England football squad won't be voting in the General Election;
they have enough trouble finding the box, let alone putting a cross in.
......and another topical joke; tennis-related this time, as Wimbledon has started:
A tennis ball walks into a pub, and the barman says, "Are you being served?"
I was a Poll Clerk at yesterday's General Election (trousered £255, so at least Sunak did one thing for me )
on the day, we had some voters with famous names, such as Alan Hudson, and Martin Allen!
Mind you, neither of them were the ex-footballers of the same name.
Anyway, back to the ribbed ticklers:
I was arrested as I left an art gallery
Don't why, when I was inside, I asked security if it was OK to take a few pictures....
I bought the wife a new fridge.
I could tell she liked it, because every time she opened the door, her face lit up.
You know Dermot O'Leary on Radio 2? Does the show after Tony Blackburn on Saturday.
Well, this morning, he told my electrician/restaurant joke from Wednesday.
I'm not saying that's proof he reads this Fred for all his jokes, but it makes you think.
Mind you, he didn't give me a credit - now, that's plagiarism in my book.
Any way, here's another topical joke:
I've devised a new type of tennis, called Silent Tennis.
It's like ordinary tennis, but without the racket!
Nick that one if you will, Dermot....
Apple tart costs £1.75 in Jamaica, £2.00 in Barbados and £1.80 in Grenada.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Interesting Fact:
Bromley is the only football club in the top 4 tiers to be in a Tory constituency.
Well I Never - I never knew Bromley was in the top 4 tiers, that is.