Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Just bought a U2 satnav, and it's rubbish!
The streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

btw, speaking of U2, I heard recently that Cher used to be married to Bono-
that can't be right, shurely??

[steveqpr881]

Here's a ribbed tickler what I thought up myself, I sent it to Tony Blackburn
for his Sunday show, he read it out and laughed!
I've just opened a shop, where you can bring in your old Cluedo, Monopoly, Ludo etc
& swap them for other sets. There's never been anything like it -
it's a real game-changer!!

[steveqpr881]

My next-door neighbour keeps playing Lionel Richie songs.......
it never ends, it's All Night Long

I don't like to dwell on the past, but every time I reverse my car, it takes me back.....

[steveqpr881]

I ate a clock. It was very time-consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.

Walking around town, I passed an apple pie, a tiramisu & a Black Forest gateau.
I thought - these streets are strangely desserted.

[steveqpr881]

Not many people are called Lance these days, but in the olden days, people were called Lance a lot.

I've been offered a job at the alphabetti spaghetti factory; I just need to check the Ts & Cs.

It's Father's Day this Sunday & I'm stuck for what to buy my dad.
He's an opera singer.....what can you get for a tenor??

Interesting Fact:
There are only 3 rivers in Ireland - Liffey, Shannon & Dance.

[steveqpr881]

Right, mirth fans, here's a real ribbed tickler, what I nicked off of QPR Pride of London -
as I always say, it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge your 'sauce.'

Polish fans have gone on the rampage in Hamburg!
So far, there are reports of
50 cars valeted
27 boilers repaired
7 walls built
30 bathrooms tiled
24 hallways painted.

[steveqpr881]

I went to stay with friends, they said treat the house like it's yours.
So as soon as they went out, I put it on the market!

Thought For The Day:
The duck-billed platypus is unique in the animal world, because it produces both eggs and milk;
it could make its own custard!!

[steveqpr881]

I cut the end of one my trouser legs & sent it to the library;
that was a turn-up for the books!

Just got fired from my job as a film set designer.
I didn't want to make a scene.....

[steveqpr881]

I rang my GP, to see him about my Sudoku obsession;
he said he could fit me in between 9 & 5......

2 slices of bread got married.
All went well until the reception, when someone toasted the bride & groom!

Dennis Oli - Angelina Joli.

[steveqpr881]

Just got a job, making miniature models of Dracula.
There's only 1 other person working there, so I have to make every second count.

It only takes me 5 minutes to walk to the pub, but 30 mins to walk back;
the difference is staggering!