Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Newsflash! A lorry has shed it's load of Vick's Vapour Rub on the motorway.
However, the police say that the congestion has been cleared.

I've invented a new word; plagiarism.

And another song with a player's name in it: Stan(d) & Deliver - Adam & The Ants.

[steveqpr881]

Just split up with my girlfriend.
She's a cinema usherette.....I think she still holds a torch for me.

Clint Hill - Buffalo Bill.

[steveqpr881]

Beware a new scam: I sent off for a new deaf-aid weeks ago,but I still haven't heard anything.
Talking about scams - velcro, what a rip-off.
And if you get an email about tinned meat, don't open it - it's spam.

[steveqpr881]

Just did my psychology class this morning.
It was all about Pavlovian behaviour; how I laughed at those dogs.
Then the bell rang, and we all went for lunch.

Thought For The Day:
Whenever you feel the world is harsh and uncaring and your life is sad and worthless,
just remember: you'll be dead soon.
Hope that helps.

[steveqpr881]

It's Friday the 13th and here to prove what an unlucky day it is, I present this ribbed tickler:
Q: Why did Adele* cross the road?
A: So she could say "Hello from the other side." **

* - a popular singer
** - the name of one of her songs.
(These explanations are for the benefit of our older members.)

[steveqpr881]

Well, the big day has come around again.
One of the highlights of the calendar - can't believe it's a year since the last one.
The day when the whole world's eyes turn to one of the biggest events in the world
& asks - who will win?
Yes, it's Eurovison time again!

So here, to celebrate, here's a musical joke.
My wife said she was leaving me, because I'm obsessed with Monkees song lyrics.
At first I didn't believe her....then I saw her face.

[steveqpr881]

Now, I now that nothing I can post on here will make you laugh as much as we all did when Chel$ki lost the Cup Final,
but here goes anyway. Just read a book called The Complete History of Glue.
I know you all think I'm going to say I couldn't put it down, but actually I just couldn't stick with it.

What about that Herb Alpert.....always blowing his own trumpet.

Stan Bowles - Nick Knowles.

[steveqpr881]

I've been kidnapped by aliens!
They made me comb my hair, straighten my clothes and tidy my room.
I was on the mother ship.....

And a new feature: railway stations with the same name as QPR players (past or present):
(Clarke) Carlisle.

[steveqpr881]

Had a ticket for a Psychic Convention.
But when I got there, there was a sign up -
"Cancelled Due To Unforeseen Circumstances."

Station on the North London line: (Peter) Crouch End.

[steveqpr881]

I watched the new Dr. Strange film yesterday.
I didn't go to the cinema, I used The All-Seeing Eye of Agamoto.
(that's an in-joke for Marvel fans).

Remember the good old days, when you could go out all day & leave the front door open?
You'd get home, and everything would be gone.

I've just sold my homing pigeon........for the 24th time.