Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

And I've just seen this, on the West London Power Rangers Facebook group
(it's not plagiarism, if you acknowledge your source):
Wether report: heavy rain is predicted for Qatar, all games will be called off,
just in case there's a rainbow.

[steveqpr881]

I said to my mate, "See the Argentina v Mexico game?
When the 1st goal went in, I was so excited I spilt my pint. Don't know who scored it.
He said, "Messi"
I said, "Yeah, it went everywhere!"

(always nice to give that one an airing)

[steveqpr881]

I've been searching all over for a new magazine, "Camouflage Monthly," but I can't find it anywhere.

And a song for Wales, after last night's game:
They're going home, they're going home, they're going
Green, green grass of home, they're going......

[steveqpr881]

JD rang me just now. He said, "Steve, I was annoyed when the neighbour banged on my front
at 3 o'clock this morning! Luckily, I was already up......playing my bagpipes.

And we open today's door on (ominous music, sound of creaky door opening)
The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Why was Cinderella sacked from her football team?
She ran away from the ball. It's topical and Christmassy!

Speaking of football, I'm looking forward to Argentine v Australia, hope fully
another chance to trot out the 'Messi' joke....

[steveqpr881]

See the Argentine v Australia game? Wasn't the 1st goal exciting!
(Steve son, you''ve done this one to death - ed.)
Ok ok, spoilsport let's just open today's door on THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM.
Hear about the shoplifter who got caught stealing an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.

[steveqpr881]

Just been doing a bit of Christmas shopping.
I saw a radio with a sign that said, "Volume stuck on max, only £5"
Well, I thought, at that price, I can't turn it down.

[steveqpr881]

Been doing a bit of Christmas shopping.
I bought a Christmas jumper, but it was full of static electricity;
so I took it back, and the shop replaced it free of charge.
Then I bought a book on DIY surgery, I thought it'd make a good present;
but when I got it home, the appendix had been taken out.

[steveqpr881]

It's time to open today's door on THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM
(must we, Steve? - ed.)
I opened a Xmas card, and a load of rice fell out; it was from Uncle Ben.
And bonus feature, THE CHRISTMAS CRACKER OF DOOM
A dung beetle walked into a bar and said, "Is this stool taken?"

[steveqpr881]

Well, it's almost time - this weekend, millions of people will be glued to the TV,to see who's the best in the world.
Yes, today sees the final of Strictly!
Eh? What's that?? Tell us about the football??
Ok, well it'll soon be the last chance for me to crack the Messi joke.
And talking about Lionel, he was injured during the last game, when a fan threw a toilet roll.
No broken bones, just soft tissue injury.
And what, I hear you ask, is behind today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom?
It's this ribbed tickler:
I asked the wife what she wants for Xmas, and she said "Anything with diamonds in it."
So I bought her a pack of cards.

[steveqpr881]

Bad news, mirth fans.
I'm on holiday as from tomorrow, so this will be the last door opened on
THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF DOOM *
Had to take my dog to the vet; he'd eaten the Xmas tree decorations,
and he was suffering from (all together now) tinsellitus.
Eye thenk-yew playmates, and have a Merry Xmas!!


* - unless anyone else has a joke they'd like to tell??