Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Does anybody want my Sooty & Sweep glove puppets?
Not looking for any money, I just want them taken off my hands.

Chris Day - Ronnie Kray.

[steveqpr881]

Now, in the past I've been accused of plagiarism, but that doesn't apply if you acknowledge your 'sauce'
(copyright qblockpete ) so once again, I channel the spirit of Cyril Fletcher off of That's Life, to say
I am indebted to Brian Dolan on Finding Lost Friends From Shepherd's Bush for today's ribbed tickler:
I'm fed up with people constantly complaining about how expensive things are -
"£2 for a cup of tea, £3 for a coffee, £5 for parking" -
if they don't pack it in, I'm gonna stop inviting people to my house.
Esther......

Pete Higgs - Ronnie Biggs

[steveqpr881]

Right, this next ribbed tickler is a guaranteed side-splitter, I road tested it before the Coventry game,
on Steve R (no animals were hurt in the testing of this joke), and he gave it a good reception.
So don't blame me if you don't like it....but it was fresh off that morning's Tony Blackburn Show.
So here goes. I've neglected my allotment recently, and the council's threatening to take it off me;
I think I'm losing the plot.

[steveqpr881]

An American tourist asked me if he needs a permit to wear a short-sleeved shirt.
Because in the U.S., they have the right to bare arms.

[steveqpr881]

Thought For The Day:
With England's 1st World Cup game against Iran on Monday, a good way to piss them
off would be to play Salman Rushdie!
Ok, he's older than kerrins, and blind in one eye (after the barstewards knifed him),
but once we're comfortably in the lead, why not bring him on as a sub, maybe give him the last 5 mins??
Just a thought.....

[steveqpr881]

Just got a new job, as a baggage handler at Heathrow.
The induction training's quite hard....there's a lot to take on board.

And a song for the England fans this afternoon:
One Salman Rushdie, there's only one Salman Rushdie....
that'll piss 'em off!

[steveqpr881]

See the USA v Wales game yesterday? What a come-back.
But I just heard Donald Trump says it's fake news - the septics won.

Interesting Fact: Meatloaf was a vegetarian
& some QPR rhyming slang: birthday boy Steve Gallen - Dave Allen.

[steveqpr881]

Today is Doctor Who Day: the 1st ever episode was broadcast on this day in 1963.
I remember it well....from behind the sofa.
And here, to celebrate, is a joke that's even older.
I went for a job in a cement works, but nothing concrete came of it.

Top Tip:
Extend your life expectancy, by living longer than you expected to.

John Beck - Ant & Dec.

[steveqpr881]

That joke about being an airport baggage handler reminds me of the time I fell asleep
on the carousel; I came around eventually.

Ian Holloway - Macie Gray.

[steveqpr881]

Right, mirth fans, I've got some good news, and some bad news for you.
Let's get the bad news out of the way first:
Check today's date - 25th November; yes, it's ONE MONTH TO CHRISTMAS!!!!
And the good news: today is Black Friday, so it's CHOGOF -
chuckle at one, get one free. Yes, I am really spoiling you.
I've got so many model railways, I've lost track.
And - What's the difference between an alligator & a crocodile?
An alligator will see you later, a crocodile in a while.
Never mind, it'll soon be time for the Xmas Cracker of Doom!!