Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Someone dumped 220 prawn cocktails on my drive - and that's just for starters.

I've built a bar in my roof - drinks are on the house!

[steveqpr881]

I've just got over my addiction to eating chocolate, marshmallow & nuts.
It's been a rocky road.

Interesting Fact:
In 1954, Ann Hodges of Alabama survived being hit by a meteorite!
She is the only person known to have been hit by space debris.

[steveqpr881]

I've been kicked out of the secret cookery club, for spilling the beans.

I told a joke about lampposts, but it backfired on me.
I guess I walked into that one!

[steveqpr881]

I rang the wife & offered to pick Fish & Chips up on my way home.....
how she regrets letting me choose the kids' names!

[steveqpr881]

I just saw a man with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, rabbits' feet & 4-leafed clover.
I thought- he's pushing his luck!

Thought For The Day:
Are people with photographic memories born that way, or does it develop over time??

[steveqpr881]

Time for me once more to channel the spirit of that bloke out of That's Life
(whose name escapes me) & once more smooth the sleeve of my velvet smoking jacket,
look knowingly at the camera & simper, "I am indebted to Daniel Wells, aka dannyboyurs off the old offy MB,
for this ribbed tickler:
I've just been diagnosed with agorophobia - get in!!

[I've remembered now - it was Cyril Fletcher]

[steveqpr881]

A friend just told me he's taken up jido - that completely threw me!

I tried drag racing, but I couldn't run in high heels.

[steveqpr881]

I went to see my GP, about a nasty rash I've got.
he said I'm allergic to eating jelly, custard & sponge -
but that diagnosis sounds a trifle rash.

Interesting fact:
Magna Carta was written in an ink made from growths on oak trees caused by parasitic wasps!

Top Tip:
Fool everybody into thinking you're an alcoholic, by getting drunk every day.

[steveqpr881]

My wife didn't believe me when I said I could make a bike out of spaghetti -
you should have seen her face when I rode pasta....

[steveqpr881]

Did anyone hear Tony Blackburn read out one of my ribbed ticklers on today's show??
If you missed it, you can hear it on the BBC i-player, if not here it is:
I went to see my GP because I was covered in spots.
He said I'm allergic to eating jelly, sponge & custard.......
but that diagnosis sounds a trifle rash.

I heard in the news that Billy Joel has had to cancel all shows, because he has water on the brain.
I know what would sort that out - a tap on the head.

And an Interesting Fact: (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
Before he found fame with Kajagoogoo, singer Limahl was an extra in Adam & The Ants' video for Stand & Deliver.
Well I Never!