For all QPR and Non QPR threads that don't fit in the other areas.
steveqpr881
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Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I see we're over the 10,000 views milestone! :ugeek:

Now it's that time of year when the jokes come in from the Edinburgh Festival.
And, to be honest, I don't think they're that funny;
probably on a par with Tony Blackburn's jokes.
So I'm going to put up one of each, and let you decide.
TB: I was going to tell you a joke about herbs & fish, but this isn't the thyme or the plaice.
EF: I sent a food parcel to my 1st wife; FedEx.

And a new feature: American towns with odd names.
There's a town in the U.S. called Why. And one called Why Not. :o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Here we go again, Tony B. v The Edinburgh Fringe
TB: Went on a Mystery Tour the other day, we had a sweepstake to guess the destination.
Was a bit peed off when the driver won. :(
EF: Science was never my strong point at school;
my attempt to lace an Oxo cube with nitrous oxide made me a laughing stock. :oops:


U.S. town with weird names: Cheesequake. I kid you not. :o

And finally, Ronnie - some QPR rhyming slang. Chris Willock - Neil Kinnock.
:ugeek:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My wife has said she'll leave me, if I don't stop talking like a newsreader.
More of that story later.... :D

Thought For The Day:
There's only one acceptable kind of man bun, and that's an Eccles cake. :?

And there is a town in the U.S. called Santa Claus;
which is appropriate, because today's date is August 25th, i.e. FOUR MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS
:o
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

My mate's an avid trampoliner & he entered a competition recently.
He came last, but I'm sure he'll soon bounce back. :?

Just started a new training course, "How To Act Like A Bee."
It's brilliant - I'm still buzzing. :geek:

Today is the British Beard & Moustache Championship.
Which reminds me of when I was asked if I know any jokes about hair;
I said I'd mullet over. :ugeek:

There is a town in the U.S. called Toad Suck! :o

Today is also the 66th birthday of celebrity Rs fan, Glen Matlock.
Which brings me to today's QPR Rhyming Slang:
Glen Matlock - Albert Tatlock. Eye thenk-yew.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Spent all day chasing a spider.....until I realised I had a crack in my glasses :?

I asked a gymnast friend if he could teach me to do the splits;
he said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "Well, Mondays & Tuesdays are OK, Wednesdays are out."

The welcome return of an old favourite, The Burning Issue.
Today, we ask - is a Jaffa Cake actually a cake, or is it a biscuit?? :shock:

steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to start rationing my ribbed ticklers (hooray! - ed.)
There's been massive inflation in the humour market and, pending an appeal to
Offjoke, the price has gone up so much,it'll be one a day until further notice.
But don't worry, I'll make 'em count - like this comedy classic:
A man on crutches stole my cammo jacket; I said you can hide, but you can't run. :D

U.S. towns with weird names: no. 94, Accident.

And Q.P.R. rhyming slang: Neil Warnock - The Rock. eye thenk-yew.
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Traffic News: a lorry has shed it's load of Vick Inhalers; police say there is no congestion. 8-)
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Young kerrins rang me last night, he said "Steve, isn't it a shame poor old Gorbachov's dead.
And he was right about Perestroika."
I said, "What do you mean, Bernard?"
He said, "Well, we could do with a perestroikas…...geddit??"
:roll:
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Almost 10,500 views!!

I was on the phone to young kerrins again last night, I said - Bernard, have you had any rain up there?
He said - Yes, but it's good for the farmers.
I said - you can get some cream from the chemist for that.....
:?
steveqpr881
Posts: 1486
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2021 9:58 am
Location: Running down the Uxbridge Road

Re: Joke Thread 3.0

Post by steveqpr881 »

Stop me if you've heard this one before (we've heard 'em all before, Steve - ed.)
it seems familiar but you know what they say,deja-vu ain't what it used to be.
Anyway, here goes....Yesterday, some one said I was condescending;
that means I talk down to people. 8-)

I was in my local library & I asked the librarian if they had any books on tortoises;
she said "Hardback?" I said, "yes, and short legs." :geek:

U.S. towns with weird names: Sweet Lips.
:o
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