Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

The welcome return of an old favourite - (it may be old, but it's no-one's favourite - ed.)
The Burning Question.
Today we ask - Die Hard - IS it a Christmas film??

While you're pondering that ( I love a good ponder - ed.)
it's time to open today's door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.
Just opened a Christmas card, and a load of rice fell out!
It was from Uncle Ben.

[steveqpr881]

Good news, mirth fans. I was at the office Xmas party yesterday, and there were crackers!
So here are the best jokes from therm......
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowman? She gave him the cold shoulder.
How does Darth Vader like his Xmas turkey? On the Dark Side.

[steveqpr881]

My 'sticky playing cards' joke was read out on this morning's Tony Blackburn Show;
as usual, not a word of credit.
Anyway, time to open today's door (don't worry, not many left - ed.) on
(creaking noise) The Advent Calendar of Doooom!
Speaking of Darth Vader (see Friday's door), it was Christmas Eve on the Death Star
and Darth Vader said to the evil emperor, "I know what you've got for Xmas, oh lord -
I felt your presents."

[steveqpr881]

Man U fans - fancy a short break? You can't beat Bournemouth!

And for the penultimate time this year (I'll hold you to that - ed.)
we open the door on The Advent Calendar of Doom.

What did one snowman say to another?
Do you smell carrot??

And a newsflash: Glitter has been banned this Xmas!
Well, it's been on the cards for years.

[steveqpr881]

Sad news, mirth fans, as we open the very last door on this year's
Advent Calendar of Dooom.

After last year's Xmas dinner, the wife asked if I could clear the table;
it took a long run-in, but I manages it!
Merry Xmas, everybody!!

[steveqpr881]

Back to normal with the jokes -
My favourite school teacher was Mrs. Turtle. An odd name, but she really taught us.

[steveqpr881]

Had a great New Year's Eve, I went to the RNLI party.
Those guys really know how to push the boat out!

[steveqpr881]

The local lion tamer has gone bankrupt - must be terrible, to lose his pride!
Maybe we could have a whip-round for him.

[steveqpr881]

I went to the library, I said "Have you got any books about turtles?"
The librarian said, "Hard back?"
I said, "Yes - and a small head."

[steveqpr881]

I like to write songs about birds, but I'm running out of ideas.
The next one could be my swan song.