I've ordered a chicken & an egg from Just Eat;
I'll let you know which came first.
Interesting Fact:
Forgot to say this yesterday, but Tuesday was The Ides of March.
As in, "Beware the Ides of March." ( that is your actual Shakespeare)
But what, I hear you ask, does The Ides of March actually mean??
Simples; it's the day before the middle day of the month.
So every day has an Ides, not just March.
See, this thread isn't just entertaining, it's also informative;
it's Infotaining.
Plagiarism rears it's ugly head again.
Not once, but twice in a week.
Last week, Steve Wright nicked my "no-one to chauffeur it" joke;
now, Private Eye have used my "Olly Gark" pun. Latest issue, page 94.
I wouldn't mind, but do they ever pay me any royalties for using my material??
Do they heck as like - I don't even get a name-check.
Anyway, on with today's ribbed tickler - let's see who steals this.
And I'll be honest, I stole it from Private Eye;fair exchange is no robbery.
Rod Stewart's been filling in potholes in the road near his home;
but he found that the first rut is the deepest.
And an Interesting Fact:
Snails can sleep for up to 3 years! (but ants never sleep)
Now, as today is Red Nose Day, or Comic Relief,how about giving this comic some relief?Someone else tell a joke.......
Obviously, no takers; suit yerselves, I'll carry on.
here, then,a re the pick of the jokes on this morning's Tony Blackburn Show-
don't say you weren't warned.
My neighbours called the cops,as I was playing my Engelbert Humperdink*
records too loud.They arrested me,but then the police released me, let me go.
I crossed a crocodile with a homing pigeon....I've got a feeling it'll come back to bite me.
My mate asked me if I liked my hi-vis jacket;
I said I wouldn't be seen without it.
Mind you, it wouldn't be much use in a custard factory.
That reminds me of the time a man on crutches stole my camouflage jacket;
I said you cant run, but you can hide.
Thought For The Day:
Will Egypt ever ask for The Pharaoh Islands back??
Now here's one from the Golden Age of Comedy - heard it on the radio yesterday,
apparently it's one of Max Miller's.
A man gets home & says, "I just found out, our milkman's made love to every woman in the street, bar one."
His wife says, "Must be that stuck-up cow at no. 39"
Interesting Fact:
Just read the Peterborough game programme, and the ref was David Webb!!
Hope this isn't too risque for some of you more sensitive souls......
I asked my girlfriend to sexually stimulate me with her key-ring - but she just fobbed me off
A friend who works in an sofa making factory fell into the upholstering machine;
he's OK now, he's fully re-covered.
Interesting Fact:
Chemically, the closest substance to human blood is.....sea water.
Here's a bonus joke (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!),
inspired by the fact that Tuesday was William Shatner's 91st birthday:
Q: How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
A: 3 - one left ear, one right ear and (all together now) ONE FINAL FRONT EAR.
Beam me up!
aaarrgh - 408 Request Time-Out, I cannae handle much more. One last go, fingers crossed......
More plagiarism - on Radio 2's Steve Wright show again;
today, he nicked my "photographic memory" joke.
I'm sure they're monitoring this thread & picking off the best jokes
Is this what I pay my license fee for??
Anyway, I've just a new job, collecting rubbish (like these jokes! - ed.)
(I shall ignore that)
There was no training, I just picked it up as I went along.
Sean Derry - Chuck Berry.
btw, 3,944 views - should go thru the 4k mark over the weekend
