Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

The wife said I was very immature.....so I've banned her from my tree house.

[steveqpr881]

Just bought a deep fat fryer. I put £20 notes in it & cover them in batter.
You might say, I'm frittering my money away......

[steveqpr881]

I'm having a bit of a clear-out; got a kite for sale, no strings attached.
Or how about a glove puppet - will someone take it off my hands??

[steveqpr881]

Got a backlog of Easter jokes, courtesy of Tony Blackburn

I stepped on a hot cross bun & got an electric shock - a currant ran up my leg.

Went to the doctor, I said I feel like a chocolate Easter bunny;
he said how do you mean? I said hollow inside.

Interesting Fact:
Soul singer Marvin Gaye was born on this day in 1939;
he played drums on Motown's 1st US No. 1, 'Please Mr. Postman,' by The Marvelettes.
And a bonus Interesting Fact (M'sieu, you are really spoiling us!)
The weekend's Chelsea v Burnley game had 51 shots; only 1 Premiership game has had more,
52 in QPR v Leicester, November 2014

[steveqpr881]

Told my interior decorator, I didn't want any carpet on the staircase;
he just gave me a blank stare.

[steveqpr881]

Just bumped into a bloke I haven't seen for years - he once sold me a miniature globe.
It's a small world......

[steveqpr881]

I woke up, and my moustache was gone!
It was stolen right from underneath my nose.

[steveqpr881]

A friend of mine has just retired after working 20 years driving a limousine.
He didn't have a pension though - all that work & nothing to chauffeur it.

[steveqpr881]

Just been given a Thesaurus. Can't find the words to express my gratitude.

[steveqpr881]

I was talking to Steve R the other day, I said "Steve, have you seen that film, the Hunt For Red October?"
He said, "No - I hate films with sub titles."