Independent Rs Messageboard

[steveqpr881]

Sad news, mirth fans, as we open the very last door on this year's
Advent Calendar of Dooom.

After last year's Xmas dinner, the wife asked if I could clear the table;
it took a long run-in, but I manages it!
Merry Xmas, everybody!!

[steveqpr881]

A bear walks into a pub.
He says, "Can I have a large vodka.............and Coke, please."
The barman asks, "Why the long pause?"
The bear replies, "Dunno - I've had them since I was born."
No animals were harmed in the making of this joke.

[steveqpr881]

When I was a baby, my Mum used to bathe me in Australian lager.
So it wasn't a shock when I found out I'd been Fostered.

[steveqpr881]

Newsflash! An Indian builder has fallen through the roof at a Lionel Richie concert!
The singer said, "The last thing I saw was Dan Singh on the ceiling."

[steveqpr881]

The missus & I have joined a carpentry class; we've always wanted to be carpenters.
It's early days, we've only just begun......

Interesting Fact:
Marc Bolan is to have a blue plaque in his honour put up somewhere in west London.
Hmmm, I wonder if it's on a certain tree on Wimbledon Common??

[steveqpr881]

Just had a row with the boss; I rang him & said I was on the 7am train out of Victoria.
He asked what I was doing & I said, "Well you told me to be in Brighton early."

Interesting Fact:
Anfield was originally the home of Everton F.C!
Well I never!

[steveqpr881]

How American politics has changed over the years:
George Washington -I cannot tell a lie
Richard Nixon: I cannot tell the truth
Donald Trump: I cannot tell the difference!

[steveqpr881]

Where do bad rainbows go?
To prism. It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.

[steveqpr881]

Ground-breaking stuff today, as I bring you a crossover between this fred, and Celebrity Deathwatch.
"What's it all about, Steve?" I hear you ask.
Well it's simple; I have a joke about a recently deceased celeb, so it's 2 for the price of 1.
Farewell Francesco Rivella, inventor of Nutella.
The wake has already been held, friends say there was a lovely spread.[/i]

[steveqpr881]

Q: How do you tell the difference between an alligator & a crocodile?
A: Simple - an alligator will see you later, a crocodile will see you in a while.

Interesting Fact:
Admiral Nelson was only 5' tall, but his statue is 15' -
that's Horatio of 3 to 1.